Genuine Fire for Christ in Me

I’m not going to lie, life is hard.

God is messing with my head, playing with my thoughts. He keeps on testing me and making me feel all crazy, and though I can’t stand it now, I know in the end, it’s all for his glory, and that makes me feel awesome though I feel totally sh*tty sometimes, lol, and excuse my language, but I’m being totally serious. I love the Lord, but he can be so intense and seemingly irrational and seemingly mean and seemingly really awful. The seeminglies symbolize that he may seem that way at different points during your walk with him, but he never really is. If anything, we are truly the ones like that. Now God is quite outrageous and unbelievable. It always breaks my heart that he is so awesome and people don’t even believe in him. Truly, he’s like an angel while everyone else thinks he’s an ant; He’s like a soul singing a heavenly song while the world frowns at him, and it pisses me off. What has he done wrong? Satan has terribly distorted God’s word and God’s utter truths and we walk around confused and upside down with Satan’s foot on our back as he holds us to the ground. The world must learn
to see God just as I see God- I have to kick Satan’s… uhh, behind, lol. Haha, wow, I can be funny sometimes. =P But God is like stars glittering in the sky and Satan is like dung falling out of a gross animal’s bottom. The world is kind of the same as Satan, because we all cling to sin as if we are holding on to it for dear life, and it’s so hard for God to break through our connection with it because we are sin ourselves, even in our mother’s womb we were enemies of God, and he spends so much time trying to change that. It’s just hard for him, and so he’s going to reveal his glory through me by showing me how difficult his life is as he chases constantly after our pathetic and totally needy souls. He lets me feel pain like he feels pain to teach me, so that I can teach the world his truth in the most effective way possible. God may not always be fun, but he’s always some kind of wonderful. He may not make me happy often, but he can overwhelm me so easily with joy. He may attempt to knock me down like people attempt to knock him down, but because I am always aware that he is truly with me, it is okay. It’s never fun to be hurt, but I’m sure it will be fun for me to see his glory shining throughout the entire world, once he allows me to really change the world and where we are all headed.

Atheists and agnostic individuals and broken people and broken faiths is what this world is made of. I know people constantly attempt to shove me down because I’m a God follower, a Jesus Freak, a wacky individual full of religion, but even as God puts me through constant crap and pushes me over and over again, I refuse to give up on him and his awesome religion, because it’s the only one that matters. There are people with theological questions and questions about scientific evidence and all kinds of questions, and I guarantee that if it’s not one doubt, it’s 10 other ones… and truly, it’s just in our sinful nature to doubt God and always turn from him. God is fun, really. He can be like lighting a match on a crazy bomb full of excitement inside your heart, or he can be totally dreadful, but whatever he puts us through, he has rich and wonderful plans for all of his faithful people. You can never know exactly what his plan for you is, so all you can do is follow him and trust him as faithfully and as much as you possibly can. Hey, sometimes his plan is to kill you with some kind of sickness, or to let you fail and cringe and be in a lot of pain, and even though that’s super scary, it’s always for the sake of his glory. He will always use you for his glory if you trust him, and sometimes, even when you refuse to. He can allow you to get married and live a wonderful life and have wonderful children, or he can cause you to lose your job, but if these things can seem to happen without him anyway just because that’s the way the world is, then isn’t it comforting to know that with him, at least you know you will be okay because you will spend eternity in heaven with him? There’s nothing better than that! With him, in a way, you are allowed to take all the awful circumstances you are dealt in this world and have at least a tiny bit of relief knowing God is protecting you and watching over you, even when it doesn’t seem like it. You can’t see with his eyes and know his plans, so you can’t really judge him and blow him off because you don’t think he’s doing what he should be doing. If you are constantly angry with him because with his control over your life, some bad things seem to be happening, then you are actually the one doing what you should not be doing. God has totally embarrassed me for the sake of his glory, so even though it was humiliating, I’m somehow okay with it since I know he will do wonderful things with my powerful and outrageous faith for him in the end, and that’s what I’m always looking forward to. Never give up on God, because he’d never dare give up on you, even when people constantly forsake him for the stupidest and most ludicrous of reasons. He will take care of you in the best way possible, in ways you can never really imagine because he is so great and awesome, even when it feels like he won’t or he’s not. He’s not stupid, and he’s at least 1000 times smarter than you. Lol, he’s infinitely smarter than you, and I will always take comfort in that, coupled with knowing that he is kind and sincere and compassionate and loves his people very, very, very, very much. I’m only 17 and I know this because he has ROCKED MY WORLD SO AWESOMELY! I mean, LOOK AT ME!!

What kind of 17 year old talks as eloquently as I do about Jesus, especially going through all the crap I’m constantly going through? Especially as my world seems to constantly fall apart? I barely enjoy church anymore because God is making my experience feel kind of awful so that his glory will shine through me. I don’t care if I have to feel like crap day in and day out for a long time if it means that God will change the world with my unbreakable faith.

I’m here to lead the broken world to Jesus, and absolutely nothing short of that. One day, in my room, I was thinking what I would do after I accomplish my career as a musician of some kind and after I sing and write my poetry and books and stuff (yeah, I’m a total art nut), and he put in my heart that I would preach. Woohoo! There’s nothing really better than that that you can do for God… though truly, we are all preachers of the gospel just by spreading his word and continuing to grow stronger in our faith with him. He’s so totally awesome. I don’t care that I get embarrassed sometimes because God makes me look silly for various reasons. Dang it, I know it’s always totally worth it in the end. 🙂
Love you like crazy, Jesus Christ!!!

P.S. The AWESOOOME church I attend is NewSpring, lead by pastor Perry Noble, check out Perry’s cool blog and the NewSpring site to watch totally awesome videos, duuude. Lol, haha, but yeah, watch them! ‘Kay I’m being kind of silly. =P But really, please watch them!! Check out Brad Cooper’s Blog for NewSpring students, and check out The Chill which is the totally awesome Christian thingy taking place at my school. You won’t regret looking at any of these links… well, at least in the long run! Haha, have a rockin’ week peeps.

Love ya all like crazy, like Jesus loves me… well, of course, less than that, but still. 😉

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