Archive for April 27, 2010

Chatting with Rachel

Rachel (here) is teaching me to love myself better. She makes me feel good about myself. Even though the Flyleaf thing depressed me, about how God brought Lacey the one and I’m still all lonely, Rachel is inpsiring. She motivates me to keep trying to have faith, and to also try to enjoy myself. We both find ourselves in confusing situations. Situations that suck. But we chit chat and try to help each other out. I guess that’s what friendship is all about.

I find out more about myself through her. Like that there are plenty of people with crazy boy problems, so she makes me not feel like I’m the only one. There’s really no worse feeling I’ve ever endured than feeling isolated and left out. She tells me how she’s doing with her boyfriend, and I tell her I’m still in the market, looking for someone. And simultameously trying to trust Jesus to lead me to that… someone. It’s very frustrating, and you can’t successfully do both of those things. If He’ll find me the one, I don’t need to be looking at all. He’ll find them for me. That’s it. So I’m always frustrated and trying to determine how much loneliness I can stand while I waiting, before I just need to go and get with someone. Balancing faith and the desire to be in a relationship is difficult!

But I’m glad I’ve gotta friend to help me out.
I can’t believe it all started because she commented on my blog.. and now we’re pretty good friends. So in a huge way, this blog was a success. I can influence her life in a good way as she influences mine. And we’re trying to let Jesus lead us. It can be difficult, but it’s so important to try and let Him lead us. I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that there is nothing I can do better for myself. I think I know what’s good for me, but because Jesus knows me through and through, He knows what I need even better than I know what I need. So why not leave my life in His hands. He can find the right guy for me. I don’t doubt that. I just kinda doubt the will I have to endure being alone for much longer!

So comment, leave an email adress like Rachel. It’s a pretty cool way to become friends…

Oh.. and I drew the coolest picture of Jesus! Someone told me he wasn’t Caucasion, and I said that the picture is about symbolism. If someone sees the picture and think it’s beautiful, they’ll think Jesus is beautiful. That’s more important than technicalities. Here it is:

Jesus Christ
(Click to see actual size)
by Jennifer Clayton

So.. later peoples