Archive for June, 2010

New Church, Poem-Skeletal Heart, Purity Ring

Instead of going to NewSpring like I used to, lately I’ve been going to this church at my highschool called Electric City Fellowship. It’s a lot smaller than NewSpring and has probably a little over a hundred people, as opposed to thousands at NS. Surprisingly, when I go to ECF, I feel a lot more connected to people and a lot more a part of the community, and I’ve only been there a handful of times.

 Newspring never made me feel close to as good as I feel at my new church. However, other people would say NewSpring is the best church they’ve ever been to.

So I realized that different churches are right for different people. With how large NS is, I felt like I was pressured to like it because so many other people do. It’s a good church, it just didn’t help me grow as much spiritually as ECF does.

I feel like it is perfect for my heart because I feel more like I belong and I feel more close to Jesus and over all happier. So no one church is right for every person. That’s why there are so many different styles of churches.

I think a person finds the ‘right’ church for them when they feel that they are really growing spiritually.

So I’m hoping to go to ECF this sunday. I have this envelope in my purse where I put the money I’m going to tithe, and I make sure I don’t use it for anything else. Tithing is so important to me because I want to make sure I’m not selfish.

 Ever since I started my first job, which is at Chick-fil-A, I’ve made sure to tithe 10% of what I make, because I want God to know that I’m not going to be selfish with my money- I’m going to let Him do whatever He wants to with it.

If I stopped tithing, I would feel like that money belongs to me instead of belonging to God. Since He asks for 10% I give it to show how much I love Him. To show that I’m willing to give Him all of my heart- which includes trusting Him with my money.

Tithing not only helps the church, it shows that you are committed to Jesus and willing to do what He asks; it’s a tangible way to show that you love Him. And I do! 🙂

This is a religious poem I wrote. I write so many of them, lol:

Skeletal Heart

Have you ever woken up
Lost inside yourself
Hoping to find
A way to a place
That would make you feel
Like life is worth living

Have you ever
Sat in a church with your friends
When someone says
“If this building falls
And kills us all
It’s okay because we’re all saved”
And felt afraid
Because you aren’t sure if you
Would make it to heaven anyway

Have you ever found yourself roaming
In place you didn’t belong
Or felt yourself running from something
All life long

In this place
Where life lasts only an instant
And then is gone
I close my eyes
And push these thoughts away

These aren’t the things
I want to remember
When I reminisce about life
Because what is life if you’re not living
All this time

Seeing through my skeletal eyes
Analyzing with my dead mind
Is it too late
Are these all the memories
I’ll ever see

Skeleton with a beating heart
Lying in the debris
If there is something better than this
Scratch open my eyes
To make me see
Send me a feeling
Bring me back to life
Give me my precious skin again
Make me a real girl
Where I can begin again
And I can know what it means
To be worth something

I’ll find a new place in this life
Where Jesus is not just a thought
But is a new way of living
Isn’t it interesting
That the dead can be brought back to life
How my deadness can be brought back to life
And how I can see through
Lively eyes

———————

My heart has been broken a lot lately. I tend to tear up once during the day, just because I get so sad. It’s because of boys/relationship problems that I have. The other day, I bought myself a silver purity ring, because Jesus wanted me to.

That night, I made the promise not to have sex until I am married. I feel fully committed to this promise. It won’t be easy, but deep down I really do plan on achieving this. I prayed for God’s help that I can do it. I’ll have to try to stay away from things that will tempt me to have sex.

I think it’s a really special thing you can do to show your love to God and your husband- I’m sure he’ll appreciate you waiting on him! And Jesus will appreciate you listening to Him, even when it’s difficult to.

College, Mile After Mile

On June 4, I graduated from T.L. Hanna High school. I was so proud to be standing up there, after working through 12 years of school, I was finally rewarded for it. Nothing really feels better than working on something forever and then seeing the work pay off.

This is a very new and important time in my life, and I want to make sure I leave it in God’s hands. He knows where I need to go and how I should get there, even before I really do. A good father looks after his children, so I’m going to pray to him and listen to him. Wherever he tells me to go, whatever he tells me to do, I’m going to try to obey.

One important thing I’ve learned from God is that just by being obedient to what he says, my life will turn out best. Doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it means that eventually my life will be more rich and fulfilling than it could ever be otherwise. It’s true!

So what are my plans now?
I’m going to Anderson University, which is a Christian school. God put it in my heart that later in life, I’m going to preach, so I know I can take classes there that will teach me how to do that. So I’m listening to God.

AU is also a liberal arts school, and I know that I want to play music early in life, and I’m going to pursue that also. Jesus has also let me know that that is fine. So I’m happy that I’ll be listening to God and doing what I want. Nothing better than that.

I believe I’m going to try to steer clear of boys for awhile. I’ve recently learned that it may seem really fun going to a relationship at first, but sometimes it’s just not worth it. If you go out with someone and break up soon after that, sometimes the heartache is just too much. And my heart is in a very fragile place right now, and feels easy to break.

I think God thinks it’s best if I stay away from them for awhile. I know he’s got big plans for me when it comes to this area in my life, because I trust him with it. I just don’t think that the time is now.

The reason I trust Jesus with this is simply because he knows what is best for my heart, and so he knows who is best for my heart. He knows just the kind of person I need. Who I think I need may not be the one for me. But he knows who I need better than I do, so he can lead me to them.

I’ve spent a lot of time drawing lately, and a lot of time practicing playing the keyboard. One of my passions is music and art, so I work hard at them. Basically, I’m trying to put my future in Jesus’s hands. I will admit it can be a struggle trusting him.

But after I get over the fear, he makes me feel good that I did trust. 🙂 You should pray to him and try to put your life in his hands. I guarantee, your life couldn’t be better any other way.

Here is a song I wrote about me walking close with Jesus. He leads me and I will follow where he goes.

‘Mile After Mile’

My friend
You and I
Barefoot in the sand
A smile spreads across my face
Carry me to the other side
Of this empty place
People have perished here
I depend on you
It’s true
That it’s okay if it takes awhile
Carry me mile after mile

Walk with me through a desolate land
Take hold of my hand
I’m held still by faith
And in this empty place
I have no fear
Now that you’re here
Filling me with hope
When the world leaves me alone
People are afraid of this place
But because of your grace
I’m not afraid to talk with you
And walk with you
To the other side
I’m not afraid to dance with ou
Take a chance with you
‘Cause we will survive

Open me up inside
Capture my heart
There’s nothing like trusting you
In a world that’s hesitating
There’s nothing like breathing
While everyone’s suffocating
You are the song in my heart
And the bravery in every step I take
To get across this empty place

What more could I need?
Jesus, you are the best friend
I’ve ever known of
I know there is such strength
In your love

I get the feeling that
I can survive
Can I talk with you
And walk with you
To the other side?
Can I stay with you
And pray to you
That I will survive?

———————
So I’ll try to stay close to Jesus as I explore this new and exciting area of my life. If you learn to trust him in any area of your life, you can see how much he can help you.

Talk About Giving!

Have you ever been asked to give up something, and what you were asked to give up was just too much to give up?

My mom was talking about donating some clothes to Goodwill, and I started thinking about how many clothes I have just lying around, clothes I don’t even wear. I figured it would be a pretty good idea to give some of them away to someone in need.

And giving generally makes me feel happy. As I was going through my clothes, there were some that were pretty easy to give away. There were some that I kinda liked still, but I was giving those away, too. But the more clothes I went through, the harder it was for me to give those away.

For example, I had this speech and debate shirt that said “Hope 4 Haiti” on the front of it. Every time I look at the shirt, I think of my debate class and how difficult it was to get in front of the whole class, overwhelmed with nerves, and debate people over and over again. Each time I debated, it felt like a true accomplishment.

So when I look at the shirt, I love it because I think of the hard work I put into the class, and it means something to me. But I initially decided I was definitely keeping the shirt because of its meaning, and when I was going to put it back in the drawer, I felt God not letting me do so.

Then I thought immediately of Jesus. God the Father gives away his son for the world. It shocked me that I was having such a hard time giving up a shirt, when He freely gave us His Son, purely out of love.

I thought “how do you know you’re going to let your son die- who has done absolutely nothing wrong, ever- and know that he will be abused and beaten and hurt, and are still willing to do it?” I know why- it’s because the Father loved us so much and He wanted us to be free. He wanted to be able to spend time with us. So He gave up His precious child for us.

You can guess that that made me give away that debate shirt. I figured if God can do that for us- I can give away a silly shirt for someone who may really need it. I worked hard for the shirt- Jesus worked hard and was perfect. And He still had to pay the price. Amazing!

There were other shirts I paid for myself, shirts I could still wear and still really liked. I gave some of those away, and it was so hard to because they were perfectly good, useful shirts. But Jesus was perfectly good.

He made no excuses and accepted death, so I made no excuses and gave more stuff away. I was trying to remind myself that God loves us so much more than we could ever truly understand. He gives so much more freely than we ever could, He’s so gracious.

Even Jesus didn’t want to feel pain, but it didn’t change His mind. This is why He is truly my best friend. I love the Son because He chose to be humble, and the Father because He opened His heart first. He knew what his son would suffer through before he sent him into the world, and only love can be the reason for that.

In ways like these, God always blows my mind!!! Don’t ever say that something is ever ‘too much’ to give away.

A poem I wrote, relates to this thingy above:

What is Love

Drifting above a broken land
We messed everything up
And He needs a new plan

What is love
If it’s not taking
What you cherish most
And giving it to someone in need
What is love
If it’s not giving
Away your everything
To someone hurting and empty

Perfection loves
Billions of imperfect people
And His whole heart
Loves our broken hearts

Could you imagine
He’d break His own heart
To watch our hearts heal
Put Himself in pain
So we’d feel a love so real
The heartbeat of His Son
Is bigger than all lives
Living after He died
Wonderful Jesus Christ

What is love
If it isn’t
Helping the helpless
Lighting up hope in the hopeless
By being selfless
What is love
If it isn’t
Being the first to give
If it isn’t
Being gracious enough to die
To let us live