Archive for September, 2010

The Healing Process, *Poem- Wilted Flower

A poem I wrote, just about healing, despite the pain of Lacey. I felt like crap, but I’m starting to heal.
I love writing poetry about healing.

Wilted Flower

Have you ever felt like a flower
Wilting and rotting
No nutrients in your soul
To help you grow
Where is the sunlight?
Sitting in darkness
Being crushed beneath the weight
But no one knows

But then there is the sound of rain
Pat, pat, patting on my head
And I feel so strong
Though I felt so dead
Broken heart and broken dreams
But I’ve learned to fly, despite broken wings
But I’ve learned to fight, despite growing weak
I’ve learned to smile, despite being taught to weep
In my dreams, I have a home somewhere
Somewhere in the garden, with the other beautiful flowers
No need to feel like a coward
And hide; I know I belong this time

I know I belong this time

Just reflecting on my healing process. Read post below this to find out more. God bless you all. xxx Jennifer Clayton

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Reflecting on Lacey

I know Jesus thinks I’m very special; I know I am very dear to me. Lacey is very inspiring and she helps a lot of people with her music, she helps their hearts to heal by telling them about Jesus. It’s beautiful, but to me, it’s also sad. That stuff is not the sad part.

I feel in love with this man who was married, and he really broke my heart. It was a very painful thing; I couldn’t even go to my old church anymore because of the pain he caused, and I always saw him at church. I didn’t start much drama, I pretty much just left. I prayed to God to take away the pain, but he didn’t. Sometimes we want him to help us and he doesn’t at that moment in time- however, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love us.

Anyway. I would cry all the time and try to do things to get him off my mind- exercise, pray, read the bible, get out the house- anything. But the pain wouldn’t just go away. Soon after, a friend told me Lacey was married. The story of how it happened- she said she trusted God and he said he’d find her a husband- it breaks my heart. I know my heart is in the right place because I have always trusted God. I just never understood how he can sometimes ignore some peoples pain and not ignore others. So my heart was broken again because of this story.

Don’t get me wrong- I am super happy for her, but that just totally killed my spirit. It made my emotions worse and I felt like I couldn’t listen to Flyleaf’s music for awhile anymore- because their is so much pain where I felt so much love.

However, I don’t plan on giving them up. Despite this complicated, hected, crazy freakin’ mess I’m in, they are one of my favorite bands; they love Jesus to death, and so do I, and I can’t ignore them because of this. I feel like this is just a trial of life; it’s not totally the end. It’s never totally the end, so I never give up hope.

I still dream of playing music, singing, being on stage, spreading Jesus’s message- but this is just an obsticale. A little block in my path. But I know that I will move on. I know I will be married one day with kids and a husband and friends. Just writing this- it is very painful, but very healing- it gets my feelings out and I feel much, much better.

I won’t trash them. They have incredibly good music and really good hearts. I mainly wrote this post because the majority of my people who visit are Flyleaf fans, so I thought they should see some.. Flyleaf stuff, lol. This thing happening to me has been going on for a few months.. but even though I didn’t feel Jesus with me at first, I feel him with me now. It’s quite amazing actually; where I used to abuse myself for how bad I felt, now that he’s right here with me, he won’t let me abuse myself. He won’t let me think bad things about my future marriage and won’t let me think hurtful thoughts. The man who broke my heart- Jesus has really taken away that pain. I don’t even love that man anymore; don’t want his family, I’m not mad at his wife.

Jesus is really making life bearable right now. Even though he wasn’t healing me when my pain first started, he is definately healing me now, and that’s why I never give up hope in him. Every time I feel like crying because of Lacey or every time I actually cry, I feel him right by my side. He’s trying so hard to let me know I am special and beautiful and I will feel joy like she felt. I’m not worthless, never been. I feel more and more beautiful everyday for being just who I am.

I haven’t drawn pictures of the band for awhile because of this painful circumstance, but I’m sure I will again. They are just too good to give up. Anybody feel that way? I listened to them before I got saved and they carried me through the healing process while I was saved and Jesus was changing me- and I’ve loved them since.

But I’m praying God will take care of me. God bless you all, and even though they’ve hurt me right now- may they help you in your many trials in life. They’re amazing, God’s amazing. And heck, after writing this, I feel amazing. 🙂

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New Dean Guitar, Info on Purity Ring

New Song for Jesus!!

So! I finally got my electric guitar. I got a job at Chick-fil-A, mainly for this reason. I wanted to buy myself an electric guitar- it’s been my dream to play it and sing and write music. The guitar, with an amp, cost $426. I wanted my guitar because I wanted to write music for Jesus. I already have a keyboard and an accoustic guitar. Now I have an electric.

I’ve written God about 4 songs- 2 on keyboard, 1 on accoustic, and I’m working on one on elecetric. I already really love the song. I know God called me to spread the Gospel through music- so that’s what I plan to do. 🙂 I feel like I work so hard to please him. Even with school and work, I’m trying to make a lot of time for him. Anyway, I guess I’ll post the lyrics I have so far:

They told me my cuts were earned
My bruises mine alone, clearly deserved
I collapsed under the weight of it all
No strength to hold on, to avoid the fall
On the ground, I gasped for breath
But everyone one hurt more than the rest
Under the moon
Burning and sore
I gave up myself,
Told God I’d trust him more
And in the cold of the night
His voice soothed my fears
He held my hand
As he watched my tears

Noone pays attention to the girl covered in scars
But that night, I saw a shining star
And I felt all the hope in His eyes
Teling me not to believe their lies
Floating in peace
Touched my bruised skin
To heal me

My pen to paper could not take away the pain
I would always vent in vain
Try to take away all thoughts disturbed
He told me there’s no need to trust
The hollow words
The peace I seeked through poetry
Never existed
And he let me see
That he’s the peace in me
I’ll never wake up
From sleeping in his arms tonight
To the nightmare of this world
Very much alive

Noone pays attention to the girl covered in scars
But that night, I saw a shining star
And I felt all the hope in His eyes
Teling me not to believe their lies
Floating in peace
Touched my bruised skin
To heal me

Broken hearts and broken dreams
Ripped away a part of me
The need to write, the need to bleed
But he patches the broken wings
A need to burn
A need to hurt
And scarring from their brutal words
But through their sreaming, all I heard
Was him telling me I’m free
That he loves me

Haven’t thought of a name yet. But it’s just about when Christ saved me; before he did, the world and all the crap that happened with friendships and family wrecked my heart. Everyone made me feel like I needed to hide and try to be “perfect”; I never seemed to belong. But him saving me rescued me from that humiliating existance. 🙂 That’s why he’s so amazing!

Info on Purity Ring
So in June, about 4 days after my birthday, I bought myself a purity ring. It’s been about three months since I bought it. I told myself I would reward myself for wearing it, and I decided to reward myself about every three months of wearing it. June, July, August, Semptember… it’s about time to reward myself. 🙂

I reward myself to encourage me to continue wearing it and to not give up. As of so far, I have not really struggled with it. I don’t think about it much; I look at it and I’m happy to wear it. I’m not tempted to have sex yet. In fact, I was talking to a friend of mine who said she had two purity rings before she was married. She said she could give me one of them. She inspires me because she didn’t quite wait ’til she was married, though she tried. However, she came very close; the first person she slept with was her fiance, who she is still married to.

There is a big difference between sleeping with 7 people before you get married, and sleeping with only one; the one you end up marrying. So wearing the ring will still help. In this sex-crazed world, some girls want to give up their virginity so fast. But they are so precious and so is their virginity; any guy worth time is willing to wait. That shows that he respects you and loves you. I feel so beautiful wearing my ring, I thank God for it. I feel innocent and pure.

You don’t even have to be a virgin to wear one. If you already had sex but decide that you changed your mine and you want to save it for your husband, you can wear one. You can mess up bad and still wear one, because you are still valuable regardless of what you have done. It’s truly about what you decide to do. Jesus knows you are valuable no matter what you have done or who you have slept with. He will accept you just the way you are. He is always forgiving. 🙂

I encourge all girls to get one, and I encourage guys to respect their women and try to wait for them. They will really appreciate it. Heck- even guys can wear them! I’m not quite sure how I’ll reward myself- go out somewhere, buy something I want, I don’t know. But I’m praying God will keep me pure and faithful to my promise to wait. I’m trying to love Jesus by waiting because he loves me. I want to do something sweet and heartfelt for him.

Wearing one will really make you feel beautiful and worth something. Good luck, everyone!! You’re all truly special. 🙂

Reflections in Romans 6:11-23

“In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.” Romans 6:11-14 NIV

In Christianity, we are dead to sin and are no longer stuck in it. We are made new and live holy lives for God because of Jesus Christ, and only because of Jesus. Don’t get caught up in the sinful things of life, so that they do not overtake you and ruin your new heart. We must be careful in this way. Don’t do sinful things. Don’t offer yourselves to sin, but offer yourself to God. Try to live upright, Godly lives. Be strong in your faith, and try to walk close to God, try to live righteously. Sin does not control us because we are not defeated by it, we are truly free.

“But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have becomes slaves to righteousness.” Romans 6:17-18 NIV

Thank God that we no longer belong to sin because we listened to what we were told about the Gospel. If we listen to God’s word- and through it have faith in Jesus so that he gives us a new heart- we become free in this world that’s completely drowned in constant sin. We are free in our hearts while others struggle. We are free through Christ. And instead of living dead lives like those that don’t belong to Christ, we live righteous and good lives that lead to eternal joy in heaven.

“I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:19-23 NIV

Offer your heart to be a slave to holiness. Let it get caught up in doing good things that please God, that give him glory. We are slaves to sin no longer. It was a monster that dominated and recked us and led to death, but now we ride on the wings of the Holy Spirit, thriving in freedom and a sense of eternal peace. When we look back to our sinful lives, we see that all we did did not help us. Everything was temporary and had no meaning. Things that have meaning are things that have eternal value. We thought those sinful things could make us happy, but they couldn’t for long. Now that we belong to God’s heart and live for him, we are rewarded and become more holy and more close to God. This holiness and close walk with God we have leads to eternal life in heaven, where we have truly unlimited riches. There, we have more than anything we could have ever dreamed of. Sin leads to death, only and always. It might seem fun for awhile, whatever the sin is, but does not bring eternal joy. Because God loves us so much more than we could ever possibly dream of knowing, he gives us eternal life, eternal joy, eternal hope, eternal peace, and eternal love in Jesus, the Lord.

Reflections in Romans 6:1-10

“What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” Romans 6:1-4 NIV

When we sin, we are forgiven because of Christ’s grace. He wanted us to get to heaven despite our imperfections, so he was perfect for us. This means we don’t have to be perfect, and as long as we have faith in Christ, we are forgiven when we sin. This doesn’t mean to keep doing bad, sinful things. When Christ saved us, our hearts were made new. Just as He died, in a big way, we died to our sinful selves, and just as He was raised from the dead and is alive, we live a new life with Him, and we are to try to be holy and pure. Doesn’t mean we won’t mess up, but we should try to be good. Jesus’s mercy on us is not an excuse to not try to do good; his mercy and love give us new hearts so that we desire to be good.

“If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.” Romans 6:5-7 NIV

This was what I was talking about before. When we have faith in Christ, we know that we died with him when he died, and we were brought back to life when he was resurrected. We were ‘born again’ and he gave us new hearts; the old ones died with him on the cross. We no longer have to be defeated by sin or be slaves to it because our old hearts died and the new hearts he gave us allows us to be free from sin.

“Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.” Romans 6:8-10 NIV

If our hearts that were slaves to sin died when Christ died, we know we will live rich, fulfilled, and purposeful lives with him, with the new hearts that we gain through his resurrection. Jesus has defeated death by not only rising from the dead but by resurrecting us, and giving us new lives to live. He died to all sin once on the cross, but now that he lives again, he lives his life for God.

Reflections in Romans 5:18-21

“Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.” Romans 5:18-19 NIV

In the same way that one man, Adam, sinned and caused all men to spiritually (and physically) die, one man, Jesus Christ, was righteous, which saved all men, and caused them to spiritually come alive. Christ did a complete reverse and through Himself, made us holy, though we were once slaves to sin. One man was disobediant to God and caused everyone to fall, and one man’s obedience to God makes all righteous and okay in God’s sight.

“The law was added so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, graced increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 5:20-21 NIV

God created many rules for men, which were impossible for men to follow, due to our sinful nature. But because we were not righteous enough or perfect enough to follow the law, sins increased because we did not obey God’s law. However, when our sins increased, God’s grace incrased much, much, more, so we could be made holy despite all our sin. Though we were spiritually dead and sin was prominent in us, through God’s grace, we are made righteous and are forgiven by God, and we are given eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

It’s so fun reflecting on what the bible means! Questions? Then feel free to comment! =P On another note, I have about 30 pages of the bible left to go. Awhile ago, I said I had 100, but I’ve been trying to slice through the bible, learn a ton of stuff, grow spiritually, and finish this up. 🙂 It will feel like such an accomplishment! Nothing better than that. Have an amazing day.

Reflections in Romans 5:2-17

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into his grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:2-5 NIV

By having faith in Jesus Christ, we gain access to his grace, and have peace with God the Father. We gain His mercy, love, and joy by having faith. So it’s an awesome thing to have! We rejoice not only in the good times with God, but also in the bad times. By suffering, we gain strength we never knew we could have. Like when someone cheats on you- you suffer, but through it you become a more independent, smart, careful person. The same principle applies with Christ; a group of people might make fun of you for believing in Christ, and you suffer. But next time people make fun of your faith, you are strong enough to let their comments roll off you like water, and may more adequately be able to stand up for you faith. Suffering makes us stronger, so persevere, and through perseverance we gain a new character, which is the stronger, more patient, more competent us. By having good character, we are able to have hope. God pours his love into us by the Holy Spirit.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 8 NIV

A good parent loves, and leads their children even when they are doing horrible; a good friend helps their friend and leads them when they have gone astray. Jesus is both our Father and our friend, and even when we were full of sin and were helpless, he lead us and helped us. He suffered pain for us, so that we wouldn’t have to suffer and we could be free; this is true love. This shows that it’s not what we do that gets us into heaven, but truly, we only get there because Jesus loved us first, and rescued us. It was his love, not the “good things” we did that gets us into heaven. We just have to have faith in Him and He protects us.

“But this gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man, how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many! Again, the gift of God is not like the result of the one man’s sin: The judgement followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.” Romans 5:15-17

God’s gift of Jesus to us is not like the sin of one man. One man, Adam, sinned and caused the death of many. But one man, Christ, has mercy and grace that overflows much more than sin does. One man’s sin causes him to be condemned, but Christ’s grace takes away many sins, not just the one, and frees us from condemnation. He wipes away the sins of many and makes them clean, not just one man. He takes care of many. His grace and love is much bigger and stronger than all our sin, so it is only by faith in Him that we have our sins erased.

Reflections in Romans 4:7-25

As I try to interpret Romans, I feel like I am learning a lot. I’m not worrying about trying to be ‘perfect’ at interpreting because I know every time I try to interpret, I get better at it. I am teaching myself a lot and growing spiritually. There’s nothing really better than that. 🙂 Comment if you have questions.

“Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him.” Romans 4:7-8 NIV

Jesus, through dying on the cross, rescued every man from sin, so long as they have faith in Him. He wipes every slate clean, frees us from our dark pasts, wipes away everything wrong with us. We are imperfect and He’s the perfection in us, so we are made perfect through him. Jesus forgives every man for all they have done. He is what allows us to get to heaven, our own imperfect actiosn never determine whether or not we get to heaven, because we all fall short, and would only make it to hell. Essentially, when we love Jesus by having faith in Him, He shows His gracious love in return by rescuing us from a dark and sinful life.

“Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”” Romans 4:18 NIV

Even though the odds were stacked against him, Abraham had faith in God, and God blessed him for that. He was richly blessed by the Lord because of his faith. Even if the odds are stacked against us in a world of people who don’t believe in God, or more accurately, don’t believe in Jesus, seeing how Jesus is the only one who allows us to get to heaven, even with those odds, if we persist and continue to have faith in Jesus, He has promised to richly bless us.

“He was delievered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.” Romans 4:25 NIV

Jesus paid the price for our sins by dying for us. We were guilty, and deserved punishment, but He loved us so much that He took all the punishment among Himself, and spared us, His dear friends. We were full of sin and He became sin by dying on the cross to save us. 3 days later after dying on the cross, He was raised from the dead; and in the same way, we die to our sinful selves and become alive in Christ, and are called to live a new, holy, and pure life, just as He did. We are only justified through Jesus; there is simply, 100%, absolutely no other way to get to heaven except through him, despite waht the very misguided world believes.

Journeying through the bible is super fun! I can’t think of a better way to teach yourself and uncover the true meaning and the love that is in the bible than by reading it yourself and writing out what you think it means. It challenges you to really learn about the word, and in time, it will help your overall interpration of the bible. I feel that the more people interpret it and understand it, the more they realize how awesome and gracious and perfect Jesus Christ is, so they learn to trust Him much more and grow in their faith much more. I know I am.

Reflections in Romans 3:3-20

I am reflecting on the book of Romans in the bible, and I’m just saying whatever I feel the passage is about. Whatever I believe the underlying meaning is. I know scripture can be very hard to interpret sometimes, and I just want to make it easier on people. 🙂 Also, by doing this, I’m helping my stuff learn more about what the bible is really about. I learn the true heart of the word. I’m reading the NIV, or the New International Version.

“What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God’s faithfulness? Not at all! Let God be true, and every man a liar. As it is written: “So that you may be proved right when you speak and prevail when you judge.”” Romans 3:3-4 NIV

Regardless of whether or not people are faithful to God- faithful meaning they listen to Him, trust Him, praise Him, respect Him, love Him, etc.- God remains faithful to His people. When a person falls away from the faith, He doesn’t give up on them. He loves them and always desires them to be with Him, no matter what a person has done. This verse means He’s an eternally loyal friend, and nothing we do, say, feel, think, can ever change that. When we are wrong, He is always right.

“As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.”” Romans 3:10-11 NIV

People fall short; they loose faith in God. In this world, people are so focused on the temporary things of this life: money, fame, world power, success, boyfriends/girlfriends, sex, etc. They forget about God. This verse reminds me of how trapped in sin people are, and how we need to out of it. It can be hard to focus on God when we are sinful in nature.

“Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.” Romans 3:20 NIV

This means that in God’s law, there are so many rules. Jesus rescued us from going to hell when we couldn’t follow all the rules. We try to follow the rules because God wants us to, but we constantly fall short. There are so many rules and they are certainly hard to follow all the way. So even when, in small ways, we are successful in observing the law, we are not righteous, or “good people” becasue of it. None of us are good; only Christ is. But because we fall short of the law, we see how sinful we are. Everyday, we break God’s rules, and through that we become aware of just how bad we are. That’s why Christ is perfect and could follow the law, so He could die for us and save us from ourselves.

I’ll be reflecting on what the Bible means for awhile. 🙂 Hope you enjoy. Any confusion or questions, comment and ask me, please. God bless you all!