Relationship Trouble vs. Christ

LOL I’m not going to lie. I am not a perfect person (What- you thought I was!?!) I have flaws. I am often so reluctant to reveal my weaknesses because I feel people will judge me or misunderstand me. I fear people will get really mad at me or blame me or call me names. But I will humble myself. God uses our weaknesses for his glory, because in whatever area in our life we are weak, we find strength in him:

“But he [the Lord] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

God likes this because then we are more forced to depend on him when we are weak. So I will give God the glory in my constant weakness. Here is one of them: romantic relationships are the death of me. Like boyfriends and girlfriends, marrage, etc. I spend so much time alone and I feel the constant need for this sort of companionsship. I see babies and moms together and I get sad. I see Lacey Mosley and her husband and my heart breaks. I wince at the thought of weddings because I am lonely. It’s not that I’m afraid to pursue a relationship, it’s just that I feel God calling me in a different direction now.

I’m not entirely sure where, I’m not entirely sure what to do. But in ways, I feel like I just shouldn’t go after a relaitonship now. And I get angry at God because he does not want me to be like everyone else. I want to be in love, and I feel like I am watching half of my life just pass me by. I scream at him and constantly want to push away from him- it’s not pretty, but it’s true.

At the same time, I’m not willing to compromise our entire relationship because my feelings are really hurt. If he did that to us, every time we really hurt his feelings, I gurarantee he would dump us every day. So it’s not fair I do this to him. What do I do, then?

First, I pray that he will give me peace. I pray that even while in pain, he will comfort my heart and give me the strength to not be angry. The bible says:

“My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants.”James 1:19-20

“Don’t get angry. Don’t be upset; it only leads to trouble.” Psalm 37:8

I know the above quotes are true because when I get angry and find myself yelling at God over and over, I stop and think about it. After doing it multiple times, I never feel any better.I feel like it’s worthless and stupid to yell. I only feel more anger and no peace. I feel like my heart is gross for ever doing such a thing. Who am I to yell at God? The point is that anger only leads me to be more angry. God is consistantly opening my eyes to show me that being peaceful leadsd to more peace.

It’s true for everything in life. For example, I work at Chick-fil-A and I get paid every 2 weeks. I want clothes and shoes and guitars and art supplies and books, etc. But mostly, I deny myself of these things. Being completely selfish and only indulging in pleasing myself with all of my money would be completely selfish. No one else would benefit from it. Then I would start to be like this in all areas of my life- selfish of my time and engery, only wanting to please me.

But I do the opposite with my money- titheing more than 10%, making gifts for kids and sending them around the world, knowing they will come to know about the love of Christ in the process, I’m donating to charities that also spead the Gospel, buying things that will help me spend more time with Jesus. And this is because I am loving others like Christ loved me. He loved me and rescued my sould and life from destruction, and took away my pain.

The love was very real, and I am dedicated to making that love real to others. When they recieve the gifts, they will also feel loved because of Chirst, and then tell others about the love. So this is proof that love causes more love, selflessness and compassion beget selflessness and compassion. Anger begets anger. So I am trying to be peaceful with the Lord in my time of sorrow with relationships, and hopefully he will be peaceful with me.

I try to remember Jesus has awesome plans for me- more awesome than I could ever imagine! He has caused everything else in my life to look up- so why not believe that he will take care of me when it comes to relationships? I am defusing my bomb of anger and am ever-seeking peace in the Lord.

“Wait for the Lord’s help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord’s help.” Psalm 27:14

“So our hope is in the Lord. He is our help, our shield to protect us.” Psalm 33:20

“But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired.” Isaiah 40:31

“All living things look to you for food, and you give it to them at the right time.You open your hand, and you satisfy all living things.” Psalm 145:15-16

“I wait for the Lord to help me, and I trust his word.” Psalm 130:5

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12 Comments »

  1. cogs Said:

    i like your way of thinking… it’s so loving and peaceful. here’s a website which has information that i had been looking for, for many years. it’ll probably shortcut your walk with god (a shorter path to god). it’s basically how to get in touch with the holy spirit, so you can not only use the bible for support, but the living god himself.
    http://www.hallvworthington.com

    (the missing cross to purity)

    • deadwednesdays Said:

      Thank you for the information! I know the bible is good for guiding me, but I do love hearing the actual voice of the Lord. It’s such a wonderful experience, him guiding you and you listening to him (hopefully!). I’ve already read a lot on the site, like the entire Voice of the Lord box in yellow, and some of the first page.. there is so much information! But I appreicate it. 🙂 I will keep learning and growing in Christ. thank you! I’ve prayed that you will grown in Christ,too. God bless!

  2. cogs Said:

    exactly, so much info (i actually stayed away from the site for awhile, then came back with new eyes).
    the reason i say i have been searching for its information, is that church didn’t tell me *how* to stop sinning, only just to stop. at the moment, i’m learning it’s sort of about a human condition toward addiction (i’m sure it’s exacerbated by evil temptation coming from the dark spirits)
    Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high [places].

    so i’m having faith for the power to combat this biased spirit that blinds us.

    • cogs Said:

      1Cr 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it].

    • deadwednesdays Said:

      I feel like the church falls short a lot these days. They give us lots of information but don’t really tell us what to do with it or how to apply it. It can be quite frustrating to find a church that makes sense to your own heart.

      I think the stuff in this world does blind us. Even leaders and people who are supposed to help us. They get caught up in a world of sin- of lies and deceit and pride and it just gets ugly. Sometimes, this reminds me of politicians. But we’ve got to go against the grain, deny ourselves and this world, and find true life and freedom in Christ.

      This spirit that you say blinds us- who do you think, in the world, really fuels this evil spirit? I find a lot of fault with culture, television, music, etc. But I am learning to seperate myself from the craziness of all that.

      • cogs Said:

        i think that it’s the dark spirits fueling sin with the temptation of media, yes, but it may go even deeper than outward appearances. after all, these religious, political, and worldly things are run by people who are tempted by the same spirit.

        the reason it’s hard to say what is the actual source, is because the world is blinded, so we have trouble seeing what is the truth, and get the right perspective. perhaps the removal of sin (that hides things) by the holy spirit, helps our mind to see things clearly.
        Jhn 1:4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men.

  3. deadwednesdays Said:

    So we just have to trust that the Holy Spirit will lead us since we are so blind to it. He knows how to guide us and we cannot guide ourselves, less we get lost. He can protect us from it by giving us God’s holiness, his clarity.

    It can be so scary that the spirit is really all over the place.

    Ephesians 6:13-17:

    “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ”

    I feel like this is how I can defend myself against the bad spirit that is in the world.

    • cogs Said:

      discussing with you is a pleasure…
      Psa 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

      the rod and staff direct the sheep’s movements manually, as well as protect the sheep. so we’re being guided, as you said, and protected. and we can believe he’s present at all times.

      yes, i defend myself with, as you said, the conviction that i would be hurting the loving relationship i have with god and jesus.

      1Cr 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

      • deadwednesdays Said:

        Wow. The pleasure is mine, too. You seem to have done a good job connecting the word with your heart, adding true meaning to it, so it’s not just words.

        I practice doing that every day. I find that the more I know and apply to my heart and my life, the stronger connection I have with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. So even when I am in distress, their love is like an anchor for my soul in a sea of confusion. It grounds me where the waves would toss me aside.

        The more I am grounded in Christ, the less external circumstances seem to bother me. I love the apostle Paul because he does a good job showing how despite our hardships, we find strength in Christ:

        2 Corinthians 6:4-10 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

        Seeing others walk with God inspires me. How do you stay so motivated? I feel like we can feed off of each other’s strength. 🙂

      • cogs Said:

        yours didn’t have a reply button.
        that’s a great idea, feeding off of each other’s strength. i think the motivation comes from learning lessons the hard way (which doesn’t have to be). when i experience the heartbreak of sin, i remember it. have to go, bbl 🙂

      • deadwednesdays Said:

        Goodness, I remember the heartbreak, too. Before I met Christ, I felt so drowned in sin. Trying to write out my feelings in poetry so I could rid myself of the pain.. but that was a fail. Only when I started trusting Jesus did I feel his awesome power in my life. And when I realized all I had to do was listen to him and be content, as opposed to hurting in so much sin, it was a lot easier to listen to him. Because my options was him or live in an unbearable life. Remembering pain gave me discipline to follow him. Nothing like pain!

        But I was about to say the same thing, I’ve got to go. Maybe we shall continue this tomorrow. Nice talking to ya!

  4. cogs Said:

    i’ve left a post at the forum, that way we’ll have somewhere to talk.


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