Archive for Art Work

Poetry Book Update

I am still working diligently on my poetry book about Jesus. I am naming it ‘Atypical Jesus’, because he truly is unique and different from everyone. I have come to love how he stands in stark contrast to the rest of this fallen world.

It’s about my tragic wreck of a life before I met Christ, how I surrendered my life to him, and then it’s about my tragic wreck of a life with him. πŸ˜€ That is to say that all my problems don’t suddenly disappear because I start to live for him. It doesn’t magically turn perfect. But in significant ways, it becomes easier.

It may appear the same to some, but I assure you that it is drastically different. Why? Because there is a huge difference between my strength and the strength of God, and I begin to rely on his strength. Life is still very hard on me, but I can cope with it a lot better.

I have found purpose in the everyday things I do, there is meaning for every breath I ever take. I don’t feel like I am wondering aimlessly. I am living out my dreams through him, and it’s a wonderful, breathtaking journey. Surprising and full of heart break along with fulfillment.

There is a huge difference in my poetry before I accepted Christ and after. The poems after are much more heartfelt and overflowing with love.

Annnyway, I thought I’d post a poem that I was working on.

Beyond the Horizon

I still want to help the world
Still have that little girl’s heart
Been sleeping and dreaming for so long
Tearing actual realities apart

Running through fields of orchids
Sunlight and dreams like gold
All these years chasing fairy-tales
Too magical for any human to hold
Only angels could understand
Only their ethereal touch could know

Running mad and wild
To a glowing horizon
If I could reach that place dividing earth and sky
That all of my dreams lie on

Reach that stretch beyond space and time
The line where the world bends
Where everything is thrown into slow motion
And even my breath stops short and ends

If I could reach that shimmering horizon
I know I could taste eternity
Just beyond it lies my Savior
Always watching over me
Pouring love into my bones
Giving strength effortlessly
Whispering truths into my heart
Oxygen for my dreams to breathe
Beyond this place and faithless people
His spirit always rings

Beyond the golden horizon
Time stops and all is still
Except for a passionate Jesus
And his fiery will

The will to love and be loved
The will to sacrifice, to die
The will to stare down creeping death
To look him in the eyes
To challenge him, take him on
And come out on the other side
Still strong and alive
I long to reach my Savior
On the other side
Beyond the horizon
That place dividing earth and sky

copyright Jennifer Clayton

The book really is coming along. I plan to have it done by the end of this year, and hopefully published early next year, before I turn 20. It will help me a lot that my mom self-publishes her own books, which makes a bit of the work easier for me.

I am currently trying to take my old poems and piece them together in a story for my life before Christ, which is very time consuming and slightly monotonous. I am also trying to work on writing new poems for my life with Christ.

The new section is called “Untitled”. I draw a picture to indicate each new chapter.

Every time I start a poem,
I open up word pad,
it says ‘Untitled’ at the top.
But the page is empty.
Nothing old, all new,
White page, fresh start, brand new.

Blank pages
I have a new muse
I’m
Finding the words
I’m
Writing a new story
A new poem
A new song
Untitled.

Hope you like. More updates soon!

Poetry book, picture for chapter ‘My Regenerative Heart’

I have always wanted to write a book of poetry, and I am currently working on one. It was originally just going to be various poems that I wrote, about whatever I felt like. But life became more challenging and unbearable to live, and my poetry got crazier. I got to the point where I was completely desperate, and I finally just trusted God with my life instead of myself. So the poems will start off with all the bad stuff, and then reveal my radical transformation through living for Christ.

I kept trying to think of what the name of it might be, but I think I will just name it ‘Atypical Jesus’. This is because it does talk about him being atypical and different from the normal, and all the effects he has had on my life. It’s already the name of the blog, and since it already has some steam behind it, I will keep using it. No point in really starting over, I guess I am coining the term, lol.

‘Regenerative Heart’ is the title of a chapter. This chapter talks about the new way I look at the world, and how God has had a major effect on my beliefs. I look at marriage/relationships differently, money/jobs differently, friendships differently, priorities differently, etc. Jesus gives me my regenerative heart, which means like new life, basically.

I drew this picture on neondragonart.com. It took about 7 hours (not all in one sitting, though!). This is not the cover of the book, but just the picture for a chapter in the book. The cover will be insanely awesome.

I love being able to write stories and draw, and be able to incorporate the two. :3

Copyright Jennifer Clayton

I lovelovelove running hard after God, doing the best I can to share him with the world. He is my best friend, my Lord, my Saviour.

Rocking to Lee McDerment!

Okay. I drew Lee McDerment. He is an awesome worship leader at NewSpring Church. He sings, writes songs, plays piano and guitar. He truly worships God with all his heart. Since I am also working on learning guitar and keyboard and worshipping God, Lee is such a great inspiration. He gives me such confidence and courage when I think about pursuing my musical dreams of worshipping God through music on stage.

He has a CD, A Matchlight in the Dark. I have it!! It is awesome! You should totally check it out. Check out some of his stuff on YouTube: here.

Anyway, this picture took 9 hours, and of course I rocked out to some of his music while drawing it. πŸ˜€

(Click for actual size!)

Reference: here.

Quite the looker, isn’t he? LOL. But seriously, check his stuff out! I’ve always wanted to change people’s hearts through music. Sway them with the love of God. As Flobots say in their song, Handlebars, “I can lead a nation with a microphone.” And like them and Lee McD, I definitely intend to!

Jesus Is A Bridge

I drew this picture on neondragonart.com.

Took about 8 hours. (Click pic. for actual size! :))

This picture rings so true in my heart. Mankind is on 1 side of the world. God is on the other side of the world. We could never reach God because of our sinful nature:

“There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:23-24

Without Jesus, we would have to be perfect to get into heaven. But because Jesus was perfect and sacrificed himself to take on our sins and free us from them by paying for them by death on the cross, the broken connection between God and mankind is now fixed. His strength and love and mercy allowed us to have a relationship with the Father, allows us to get into heaven.

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.'” John 14:6-7

Jesus was perfect where we couldn’t be perfect, and he was perfect for us. God is too glorious for us to reach alone, but because Jesus was just as his father, he bridged the gap, healed the broken family. Wow.

So while we might try to do many different things to get into heaven, for example, go to church, pray, not curse, not gossip, give money to those in need- none of these things will get us into heaven. Because when we sin, we are out of reach of heaven. The bad thing is that we sin everyday, all the time. It’s very natural for us. The good thing is that we are saved by having faith in Jesus Christ, having faith that he saved us from our sins and died on the cross from them and rose 3 days later.

We are saved as we allow him to lead us in our lives instead of letting ourselves lead. Just having faith in a general ‘God’ will not get us into heaven. It’s having faith in Christ. Jesus was our only chance, and he did not let us down. Now we have to choose to take a leap of faith and take that chance.

We are saved not only from hell, but from the bondage of this world, saved from being trapped in sin. After we accept Christ into our hearts, we are no longer slaves to sin, but slaves to righteousness. We no longer belong to the world, we belong to Christ.

“We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.” 1 John 5:19

Ever since being redeemed by Jesus, I have felt a sense of peace and an everlasting eternal freedom.

Freedom to grow, love, be strong, survive, thrive, be happy, have hope.. my whole spirit was reborn. Where before, I always felt way too inhibited to do those things, trusting in Christ and trusting in God helped me to have that freedom in my heart again. It gave me freedom to stand against the crap in the world and feel awesome doing it.

I hated feeling alone all the time. I hate that even my best days, when I belonged to the world, even those days really sucked. I love the fact that with Christ, the worse days I’ve ever had with him are better than the best days I’ve ever had in the world.

I have literally cried over and over and had my heart broken and stumped on and been mad at Jesus and been in so much pain- and it does not come close to the pain I had when I was in the world, even when I was doing my best there. It’s so insane! Why would anyone not want to have this strength? It’s awesome that this strength is not even my own strength, but Christ in me.

I used to write so much poetry to ‘make my heart heal’, but it never worked. My heart only broke even more. I remember I thought I was gonna die and felt like I was gonna go insane before I trusted God. I’d sit at the computer and not be able to really write, because there were so many thougts that I just could not freakin’ keep up with! That was my strength alone- to try constantly to succeed at making me feel better and only fail. That’s where I died; in that room, on the computer, fighting to getting the words out, loosing an eternally impossible battle. Trusting God- that’s where his life started in me.

So the heart I have now is does not contain the desires that I want, but rather contains the desires that God wants: to reach the world, to save all the broken people, to let them know there is strength more than they could ever know; to let them know there is strength and so much mercy that they could have peace, no matter how horrible their circumstances are. Jesus is funny like that, awesome like that.

You could be beaten half to death and still feel a sense of peace in your heart, because no matter what people try to do to you in this world, he gives you freedom from them, because you belong to him when you trust him. I’ve gone through so much agony in Christ, and felt this endless fountain of love and hope and strength.

Following Christ is not easy, but it has always been easier for me to do this than to wrack my brains out trying to write poetry to heal myself and what not.

I never say “I want to be famous because I am awesome,” or, “this life is all about me, me, me”. Because that selfish little “me, me, me” heart died at that computer screen. The reason why I am so eager to please the Holy Spirit and obey him is because I gave up myself that night, when I realized I was going to die if I trusted in my strength.

I don’t mind tithing my money to church, or devoting time and money into relationships that help tell people about Christ. Because Christ is the true answer to all the hell in this world. There was a kid that accepted Christ once, and his dad was into sorcery and what not, and he tried to beat Jesus out of his son.

He beat him from his head to his feet. He kicked him out the house and said he was dead to him, because he loved Jesus suddenly. But the kid didn’t even care. He had that fountain of strength in Jesus, his friends said that they saw peace in his eyes, despite what had happened to him.

So I’ve learned that even kids in the most difficult circumstances- whether in poverty or having a tough time with family- if they have that true hope that Christ rescued them from sin by dying for them on the cross, they gain that fountain of strength, and can endure the craziest of circumstances!

This is how even the people in the most disasterous of situation can survive in their heart and spirit, where they couldn’t survive in this world. Paul the Apostle new what it was like to love Jesus, be treated like crap for it, and completely be able to handle it, for he said:

“Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.” 2 Corinthians 6:4-10

“Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked.” 2 Corinthians 11:23-27

This shows that Paul the Apostle suffered so severely for Christ, but he had strength to endure it. Who else has the strength to go through so much pain and tolerate it, no matter what? He has the strength of Christ in him. That boy who got beaten by his father has that strength. Me, even with all my bad days, feeling better than I’ve ever felt before… I have the strength of Christ in me.

This bridge from this world to the next. Faith in Christ. Freakin’ awesome. Are you ready to devote your life to him? The bible says:

β€œThat if you confess with your mouth, β€˜Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” Romans 10:8-10

Pray in your heart: “Jesus, come into my life, take over, be my Lord. Lead me, show me how to live for you. I know you paid for my sins on the cross. Be my king”

As long as you truly mean that when you pray it, you will be saved. How many of you have already made this decision? Let me know! πŸ™‚

God bless, xox, Jennifer Clayton

Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces

“Find Beauty in Negative Spaces” is a CD by the band Seether. I actually have this CD. But I am using the name to show how Jesus “finds beauty in negative spaces” when it comes to us.

God can make me feel so beautiful at any given moment. Even in the midst of a horrible day, where I just wanna cry and go to sleep. Even when someone is a total jerk to me and makes me feel useless. Even when I feel unloved, and like I’m in desperate need of someone to make me feel special.

I get so vulnerable, but he always covers up the pain with peace. I like to block out the world from time to time and only think about him. Many people don’t know this, but he truly can heal like no one else can heal. All I really had to do was put more and more trust in him, and the more I trust him, the more I feel him taking care of me.

γ€€

I drew this picture of a girl. I didn’t sit there and think “I’m going to draw a girl in a white dress, blood, wings” I simply thought, “let me draw out the worse pain I feel in my heart at this moment”

And this is what came out. I was just drawing until I felt better. And I feel a million times better. I am so fascinated that in all the pain I’m in, that makes me want to cry, I can find such great beauty in a work like this. My heart feels so liberated. x3

But I know this is the work of God. Whenever I feel pain, I never let it keep me down becasue I simply know this: Christ is bigger than this, stronger than this. He said “I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble. But be brave! I have defeated the world!” John 16:33 ERVSo he has already overcome the world, he has already faced all my demons for me and won all my battles.

Basically, with Jesus, he helps make everything ugly that I feel seem more beautiful. Any time I feel worthless, he lets me feel love. It spreads through all of my heart and he shows me the beauty in me. For example, I might think my face, my body, my personality, and my life is ugly and stupid. So metaphorically, I look at my heart and see a bunch of ‘dirt’. A bunch of ugliness. Jesus says I am beautiful throughout, and so he finds my ‘diamonds in the dirt’. He takes anything I think is ugly and makes me see that it’s beautiful.

Girls shouldn’t let boys abuse them. And really, no one should let anyone abuse them. Friends shouldn’t let friends abuse them- and a real friend won’t abuse you. When you let people abuse you, a lot of times, you gain a sense of worthlessness. It feels very real and very much like the sky in your world is black- that you are not important. But it’s not true!!! These people look at themselves and only see dirt; they see themselves as not important or beautiful. However, Christ looks at them and always sees diamonds in the dirt, he always see beautiful things that are hidden to us. Don’t let people get in your heads or your heart and let them cut you down, telling you you are nobody.

Christ always thinks you are somebody. Someone to be loved and cherished and made to feel special. He is our father, and he sees his daughters as priceless and more beautiful than diamonds and more valuable than gold. He loves us and wants us to have good influences in our lives- good parents, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends. Christ thinks his sons are handsome and priceless, also.

Why should we settle for less? Do we deserve to feel less than we are, that we are just dirt, containing no diamonds? Heck no!!

I struggle with emotional abuse. No one physically hurts me, but people will tell me I’m not worht anything. In the back of my mind, I know I am incredibly valuable, but it doesn’t mean that insults don’t hurt. I was talking with my friend, and we both agreed that we can’t handle a bunch of meanness from total strangers- when people only know one thing about us, and based off that, they judge us and call us bad people for one little thing we do.

Some people truly make you feel like you could die. But Jesus wants to wrap up us in so much love that we never feel such pain again. We are important to him. He doesn’t see a moron who can’t do anything right, someone who is totally useless or someone who doesn’t deserve to be alive.

He sees us as his precious, priceless, hurting children that he wants to heal. He sees the tears we cry; he wants to wipe those tears. He sees the battles we fight; he says call on him for help and we will learn that he has already fought and won these battles for us. He sees that we grow weak; we have strength in him. He is an unfaltering love, an unending hope, like eternal sunlight.

I pray that he shields us when we get abused and torn down. He sees we should have security and peace in him because there are so many people who will hate us in this world and he wants nothing more than to protect us from that. Sometimes I see images of people hitting me, yelling at me, cutting me open, because they abuse me so much. Sometimes, I see boys making me feel ugly and ripping off my wedding dress because I feel like I don’t deserve to be married. But none of this is true!!

The same way parents look at their newborn baby as beautiful and breathtaking, heart breaking, wonderful, Jesus looks at his children (US!) the same way. Except he sees infinite more beauty than we could ever see in a baby. He loves us much, much more than we could ever love ourselves.

Jeus died for us on the cross because even though we can be sinful, cold, cruel, selfish people, he sees past all that and sees the beauty in us. He loves us and is always “finding beauty in negative spaces”.

The picture I drew was about all the raw ugliness and grossness I feel, how I felt being treated like shit. But despite showing all the ugliness I feel, one can see the beauty in my heart because of how beautiful the piece of art turned out. It was about disaster but was breath taking and heartbreakingly beautiful. We see the ugliness and he sees the beauty. I know my self-esteem may suffer because of people, but I have learned to differentiate what is true and what’s fake. His love his true and cruelty from bullies is fake; don’t believe them.

This is why he is the best friend I’ve ever known. He knows howo to heal me, how to love me, how to help me “find beauty in negative spaces”. A genuine and heartfelt friend can always see beauty in you, even when we fail to see it in ourselves. Christ is a great friend. Trust in his compassionate and loyal heart.

From Broken to Whole, Again

Before I met Christ, I would vent all my problems, pain, trash in my life through poetry. Any poison killing me, I would try to suck out the pain through poetry. It was always my ‘cure’ to my problems. I truly tried to use it as something to try to pull my life together, make my heart feel whole. It was so beautiful, but so sad. It almost never worked in healing me.

I would write but more pain would just build up. I had no way out. The more I wrote to try to hold my heart together, the more my heart shattered into thousands of pieces. I had tons of dreams in life, but if I could never make my heart feel whole, I would never have the strength to go out and achieve them. So one day I completely cracked. All of the heart breaking one day just caused my who heart to be ruined; there was nothing left to break.

I felt like I was going insane and like I was about to die. My heart was gone. The weight of responsibilites adn people and the world just killed it completely. I felt like I lost hope in life, lost meaning; in a sense, lost touch with reality.Felt like I was in a hole I could never get out of, like all there was to live in was eternal blackness.

But then my mom saw me struggling, and showed me this video about God.

And I broke down in my heart and told Jesus over and over again that I trusted him. I had no choice. And literally moments after that, I could feel a small change. The blood from my heart that splattered all over my winow of life, causing me to not see through it and to hurt- Jesus wiped away the blood and started bandaging my heart.

He took away the utter dependency of writing poetry; he let me rest in his heart and his strength and his mercy so I depended on him. He corrected the damage done in 3 years in a matter of a few months. And I’ve never been more free.

Now I can focus on my dreams, and I actually achieve them. For example, this year, I had 9 New Years Resolutions. I made them right at the beginning of 2010. Now bear in mind, the vast majority of people don’t achieve many, or any of their New Years Resolutions at all. But because my obsessive writing habit was not taking over my life and my heart was finally not in a million pieces, I had the strength to make my New Years Resolutions come true, which means everything to me.

The 9 were:

1. Get a job and keep it for at least 3 months.
2. Learn to play and sing 10 songs on the piano
3. Learn to play and sing 10 songs the guitar
4. Finish the bible
5. Draw 15 pictures
6. Get a boyfriend
7. Heal emotionally
8. Write and be able to play and sing 1 song by me
9. Keep my ‘Atypical Jesus’ blog up and running

And it is october. Want to know what I have accomplished?

1. Got a job at Chick-fil-A, been there 8 months, never plan on quitting. Love the people there, love the atmosphere, and love the food. I am confident there and incredibly happy. Now I tithe regularly.

2. I’ve learned to play 10 songs on the piano, and I can sing the songs and play them fairly well. I learned:
1. Another Town by Regina Spektor
2. Baobabs by Regina Spektor
3. Mary Anne by Regina Spektor
4. My Immortal by Evanescence
5. Glitter in the Air by Pink
6. Reaching Towards the Sky by Me
7. The Candle’s Flame by Me
8. Dare Myself to Dream by Me, for my friend Taylor Hurray
9. Across the Universe by the Beatles
10. Act Naturally by the Beatles
Only one of those songs is not completely done, but the others are. =)

3. I did the songs on piano in the first part of the year, and I stared the ones on the guitar about half way through the year. I’m learning 5 on accoustic and 5 on electric. I got my electric guitar by working at Chick-fil-A; in fact, that’s the biggest reason I got the job. Accoustic:
1. Hey There Delilah by the Plain White T’s
2. I’ll Follow You into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie
3. Let That be Enough by Switchfoot
4. Mile After Mile by Me
5. A song about God I’m working on, Lol
Electric:
6. Scars by Me
7. Somebody, Someone by Korn
And I plan on learning 3 more Korn songs on guitar. I’m getting so close to getting done. Guitar is much harder than piano in a lot of ways for me, but I’m pushing through the struggle.

4. I just recently finished the bible. Read it book by book. It took awhile, but I finally got done, from cover to cover.

5. I have completed 13 pictures:
1. Naruto: Sakura, Sasuke for a friend
2. Hayley from Paramore
3. Picture for My dad
4. Regina Spektor
5. Fefe Dobson
6. Jesus!! Yeah!
7. My Mom’s book Cover, ‘Joy and Paine’
8. Fantasy Girl
9. Welcome to the Yard of Graves
10. My Mom and Stepdad Wedding Day
11. Tamogatchi Animation- still working on
12. Self-portrait
13. Sad Girl- not on internet yet
14. Jesus Crucifixion- still working on it

I am in the process of drawing Jesus dying on the cross, bleeding out. It’s incredibly painful, incredibly beautiful. I find myself having to stop while drawing because it hurst so much. But I have to finish it and have one more picture after that, and I’m done with this resolution! These pictures usually take anywhere from 5 to 15 hours to draw.

6. I was working on getting a boyfriend, meeting guys and hanging out and getting numbers and stuff (LOL! =P), but Christ told me to let go of that resolution. He encouraged me to get a purity ring, which, I did and I’m still wearing. He pushes me away from a bunch of flirting. I know he has the perfect guy planned for me. So I gave up the boyfriend dream and just trust in him. He takes away the loneliness, even without a bf. So basically, I just kind of changed that resolution to being more socially active. And I have, keeping up with twitter, facebook, this blog, hangin out, going places, etc. I made this resolution because I’m very inclined to solitude, for some reason. So I’m breaking out of my shell.

7. I heal emotionally because Christ is actually healing my heart and I constantly feel him loving me and taking away the pain. Exercise and doing things I love, hanging out with friends, acheiving goals has helped me heal. I’ve already gotten over the man who broke my heart, which is a huge step for me! =) I’ve done Tai Chi to heal myself, also.

8. I wrote one song for my friend Taylor Hurray, who has a recording contract with Sony. Besides that song, I’ve written for songs for Jesus, because I’ve always wanted to write worship songs.

9. This resolution is basically achieved because I’ve kept this blog up and very active. I’ve started posting every other day and I’ve gotten 1,400 views.

So I’m either done or very close to achieving everything. The point of writng all my success after I got over failure is to say I did it with the power of Christ in my life.

Bare in mind that I’m not saying that the moment you believe in Christ, all your dreams comes true. In fact, right after my heart was healed when he saved me, it got broken a million times before all this happened. I fell into a little depression, cried a lot, go my heart broken, even was a little bit abused. The point is, the opportunity for success incread waaaay more after accepting Christ.

So before I was saved, I was not strong enough in my own heart to achieve my dreams. After I accepted him, it gave me strength and more passion to achieve my dreams. With Christ, you suffer and fight hard, but at the same time, by persevering in these hard times, he will bless you richly. It’s not always the same way I have been blessed. But you are guaranteed to get blessed. I had faith in him and worked very hard and diligently to achieve these goals. He made achieving them twice as easy.

So with Christ, truly anything is possible. Have faith and trust him no matter what!! πŸ™‚ Love you all,

Jennifer Clayton xox

Click here to Accept Christ!

Picture of Jesus, *Poetry Corner- His Love Is

**Click for actual size

So I drew this on neondragonart.com. It’s an excellent drawing site. I draw most of my stuff there. I kept working on this picture until I just couldn’t work on it anymore. It was so painful because it’s hard to just draw someone you love dying, for hours.

Numerous times, I had to stop and lay down until the pain went away. And then I continued. I loved drawing it, but am glad to be done because I don’t have to feel such pain… hope you enjoy. πŸ™‚ Took 14 1/2 hours to draw.

Also, I wrote a poem last night, called “His Love Is”

His love is
Deeper, richer than the bluest sky
Warmth within the coldest night
Within blackness, a spark of light
Within desolation, a scrap of hope
Stretching from coast to coast

His love is
Fingerprints on the soul
The dust leaving a trail of gold
The shimmer stretches and grows
‘Til it’s the only thing you know

His love is
Bandages on the heart
So strong it tears your pain apart
A breathtaking form of art
A reason for a brand new start

His love is
Reaching across everything
Turning you upside down
Gripping and shaking you
Wrestling you to the ground
Lifting you all the way up
Turning your life around

And it hits you so hard
It takes your breath away
We fall face down to give him praise
We fall face down because we’re
Dealt a blow of grace
Knocked out cold
Entrust him with our souls
And it’s all because
He’s the only one
Who truly knows how to love

Lifting up broken hearts with golden wings
His love is everything

—————
I hope he touches your heart the way he has touched mine.

-Jennifer Clayton

Purity Ring, Song- “Reaching Towards the Sky”

So. I’ve been wearing my purity ring for awhile now. Since June 26, 2010. I’ve decided to reward myself for every 3 months that I wear it. It’s been 1 month. Woohoo! It’s hard to think that I can do it sometimes, but after a few weeks of wearing it, I felt actually perfect in my heart. Like I deserve to wait, because I deserve the reward of having a special bond with my husband that most people won’t ever have- he’ll take my virginity.

Even if I mess up a few times before I’m married, it will only be a few times and the bond will still feel special, instead of other people who will have done it dozens and dozens of times before they get married. It takes away a specialness from it. I feel like doing this is perfect. Every girl should save herself for marriage, regardless of is she wears a ring or not.

The perfect guy is the one who is willing to wait. He won’t rush you or pressure you or say “show me you love me by having sex with me”. That’s a load of crap. The perfect guy will think you are well worth the wait, even if it’s a long time. Jesus wants everyone to wait ’til marriage, because it’s so much more special that way. πŸ˜€

Anyhoo, I write music.
My song “Reaching Towards the Sky” I wrote for Jesus, on keyboard.

I can’t put together
A million pieces to the puzzle
Of my heart
Up in the sky, there lies my star
Losing light, fading to dark
Fading into blackness
It’s hopeless,
The things of this world
Aren’t enough
To keep me alive
Give my star back it’s shine

Reaching towards the sky, reaching for your hand
Sometimes it’s worth just taking the chance
Heart racing, pumping my blood
Seeping through my veins is all of your love

In the midst of all the dark
You whisper to my heart
That after all the pain drains away
Your truth remains everyday
To give me strength, to make me calm
To lift me up whenever I fall
The love in your heart keeps me warm
Whenever I’m lost in the storm
When this life breaks me into pieces
One by one, you put me back together
Now I am yours to keep
Forever, Jesus

Reaching towards the sky, reaching for your hand
Sometimes it’s worth just taking the chance
Heart racing, pumping my blood
Seeping through my veins is all of your love

I feel me walking on broken glass
When I’m overwhelmed by trouble in this life
I won’t stop even when I’m bleeding
Because you heal me inside
I heard the atheist say
My fairy tale God wasn’t real
But until I met God one day
I’ve never been able to feel
This alive
I won’t apologize
For loving the one who has always loved me most
My star shines again, my pulse throbs with his hope

Reaching towards the sky, reaching for your hand
Sometimes it’s worth just taking the chance
Heart racing, pumping my blood
Seeping through my veins is all of your love

Tithing, Switchfoot, Songs for Jesus

So I went to Electric City Fellowship for church. Used to go to Newspring but.. I had my own personal issues. Both are good churches. I’m only 18, and I got a job at Chick-fil-A. I’ve been tithing ever since I’ve had the job. One Sunday, I was going to tithe 50 bucks because I hadn’t been in church in awhile and I was saving up my tithes.

I don’t just forget about them. It’s importatnt to Jesus, it’s important to me. But when I pulled out 50 bucks, I was so excited and so happy in my heart and so in love with Jesus, just being at church I gave like 62 bucks and had to keep myself from giving more. I don’t make very much- maybe 200 dollars a month. But I don’t care.

Heck, I’m living to serve God. My heart and soul belong to him, so my money is his money. All I’ve ever wanted to do in life is give back to God in a big way, since he gives to us in a big way. Jesus went up and beyond to save us, giving us everything by saving us from sin when he died on the cross for us.

So I want to go up and beyond for him. Whenever I do the bare minimum for him, I have to go up and beyond. He gives so much, so I refuse to be selfish in any and every way possible. I wish I was rich just to give away my money for him. Doing whatever he asked me to do with it, to change the world.

But ECF moves me. I love this church. Love the community. Good luck, Jonathan. πŸ˜€ I give my money to ECF because it’s a much smaller church and they don’t even have a building anymore. They could really use it. Newspring has thousands of members and they have a ton of money, and have all the equipment and everything they could need. I just want to give to who needs it more despirately.

The song I wrote to God, “Mile After Mile”, I finally wrote the music to it. And I sing it to God.I learned an awesome Switchfoot song called “Let that Be Enough.”

It’s so easy to play on guitar, and it’s about faith in God. I sing that to God also.

I’m writing Jesus another song on guitar. I have the lyrics, and I’m working on the music. I also wrote him 2 songs on the keyboard. One called “The Candle’s Flame”, the other called “Reaching Towards the Sky”.

This is why I want to be a rockstar! Lol I’ve always wanted to sing for God. Hopefully, when I’m really good at singing/playing the songs, I’ll post them on youtube and motivate more people to pay attention to God. πŸ˜€ He’s amazing!

Lyrics for “The Candle’s Flame”:

He asked me to sing
My song to him
It makes him happy
The melody
Sweetly
Pours out of me
Rushing out like
Frenzied waterfalls
Singing to his heart is
No problem at all

Chorus:
The candle’s flame
Flickers forever
In my heart
But without faith
Everything sits in an
Eerie dark
His love ignites me
And creats the candles spark
Which creates my faith
Which is the candle’s flame

Love is doing things selflessly
For those you care about
And those who love want to be loved
And I know, I know
That he loves everyone
So we should put him above
Everything else in this life
I feel him around me, I dance in his light

Chorus:
The candle’s flame
Flickers forever
In my heart
But without faith
Everything sits in an
Eerie dark
His love ignites me
And creates the candles spark
Which creates my faith
Which is the candle’s flame

Dancing forever here
Following Christ
His road is the only one
That leads to life
I’m taking this road
I’m strong than this world
In my soul
He paved the way to freedom
Paved it gold

Metamorphasis
The caterpillar in me
Ready for transformation
A butterfly to be free
Free in spirit, free in this life
Free for all eternity
…………….

I’ll post the other song later. πŸ˜›

Chatting with Rachel

Rachel (here) is teaching me to love myself better. She makes me feel good about myself. Even though the Flyleaf thing depressed me, about how God brought Lacey the one and I’m still all lonely, Rachel is inpsiring. She motivates me to keep trying to have faith, and to also try to enjoy myself. We both find ourselves in confusing situations. Situations that suck. But we chit chat and try to help each other out. I guess that’s what friendship is all about.

I find out more about myself through her. Like that there are plenty of people with crazy boy problems, so she makes me not feel like I’m the only one. There’s really no worse feeling I’ve ever endured than feeling isolated and left out. She tells me how she’s doing with her boyfriend, and I tell her I’m still in the market, looking for someone. And simultameously trying to trust Jesus to lead me to that… someone. It’s very frustrating, and you can’t successfully do both of those things. If He’ll find me the one, I don’t need to be looking at all. He’ll find them for me. That’s it. So I’m always frustrated and trying to determine how much loneliness I can stand while I waiting, before I just need to go and get with someone. Balancing faith and the desire to be in a relationship is difficult!

But I’m glad I’ve gotta friend to help me out.
I can’t believe it all started because she commented on my blog.. and now we’re pretty good friends. So in a huge way, this blog was a success. I can influence her life in a good way as she influences mine. And we’re trying to let Jesus lead us. It can be difficult, but it’s so important to try and let Him lead us. I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that there is nothing I can do better for myself. I think I know what’s good for me, but because Jesus knows me through and through, He knows what I need even better than I know what I need. So why not leave my life in His hands. He can find the right guy for me. I don’t doubt that. I just kinda doubt the will I have to endure being alone for much longer!

So comment, leave an email adress like Rachel. It’s a pretty cool way to become friends…

Oh.. and I drew the coolest picture of Jesus! Someone told me he wasn’t Caucasion, and I said that the picture is about symbolism. If someone sees the picture and think it’s beautiful, they’ll think Jesus is beautiful. That’s more important than technicalities. Here it is:

Jesus Christ
(Click to see actual size)
by Jennifer Clayton

So.. later peoples

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