Archive for Poetry

New Song- “I Keep Dreaming”

On my knees
I sing a song
The words are right
But the feeling’s wrong
Another day
I’ve lost myself
But you reach in me
And break my shell

All these feelings
Echo of the wall
But you hear my screaming
Underneath it all
Your love grabs me
And knocks me down
You don’t speak now
But your presence is loud

Your heat burns
Through the feelings
It pierces me
And I start healing
Surrounding me
The warmth, it grows
Your perfect truth
Makes me explode

All these feelings
Echo of the wall
But you hear my screaming
Underneath it all
Your love grabs me
And knocks me down
You don’t speak now
But your presence is loud

This life is more than tying
Ugly truths together
With pretty lies
Stand with friends
In fears that we disguise
Wrap me in light
Expose the hurt inside
In all the darkness
Tell me what you find
Love divine moves across my mind
Makes me feel alive

Finally alive!
Finally alive!

Turn out the lights
And close my eyes
In the dark of night

On the edge of life
With drifting mind
And say goodnight

These are nightmares I keep dreaming
But you won’t let me keep sleeping
These are nightmares I keep dreaming
But you won’t let me keep sleeping

copyright Jennifer Clayton

Download- here
Youtube- here

Poetry Book Update

I am still working diligently on my poetry book about Jesus. I am naming it ‘Atypical Jesus’, because he truly is unique and different from everyone. I have come to love how he stands in stark contrast to the rest of this fallen world.

It’s about my tragic wreck of a life before I met Christ, how I surrendered my life to him, and then it’s about my tragic wreck of a life with him. 😀 That is to say that all my problems don’t suddenly disappear because I start to live for him. It doesn’t magically turn perfect. But in significant ways, it becomes easier.

It may appear the same to some, but I assure you that it is drastically different. Why? Because there is a huge difference between my strength and the strength of God, and I begin to rely on his strength. Life is still very hard on me, but I can cope with it a lot better.

I have found purpose in the everyday things I do, there is meaning for every breath I ever take. I don’t feel like I am wondering aimlessly. I am living out my dreams through him, and it’s a wonderful, breathtaking journey. Surprising and full of heart break along with fulfillment.

There is a huge difference in my poetry before I accepted Christ and after. The poems after are much more heartfelt and overflowing with love.

Annnyway, I thought I’d post a poem that I was working on.

Beyond the Horizon

I still want to help the world
Still have that little girl’s heart
Been sleeping and dreaming for so long
Tearing actual realities apart

Running through fields of orchids
Sunlight and dreams like gold
All these years chasing fairy-tales
Too magical for any human to hold
Only angels could understand
Only their ethereal touch could know

Running mad and wild
To a glowing horizon
If I could reach that place dividing earth and sky
That all of my dreams lie on

Reach that stretch beyond space and time
The line where the world bends
Where everything is thrown into slow motion
And even my breath stops short and ends

If I could reach that shimmering horizon
I know I could taste eternity
Just beyond it lies my Savior
Always watching over me
Pouring love into my bones
Giving strength effortlessly
Whispering truths into my heart
Oxygen for my dreams to breathe
Beyond this place and faithless people
His spirit always rings

Beyond the golden horizon
Time stops and all is still
Except for a passionate Jesus
And his fiery will

The will to love and be loved
The will to sacrifice, to die
The will to stare down creeping death
To look him in the eyes
To challenge him, take him on
And come out on the other side
Still strong and alive
I long to reach my Savior
On the other side
Beyond the horizon
That place dividing earth and sky

copyright Jennifer Clayton

The book really is coming along. I plan to have it done by the end of this year, and hopefully published early next year, before I turn 20. It will help me a lot that my mom self-publishes her own books, which makes a bit of the work easier for me.

I am currently trying to take my old poems and piece them together in a story for my life before Christ, which is very time consuming and slightly monotonous. I am also trying to work on writing new poems for my life with Christ.

The new section is called “Untitled”. I draw a picture to indicate each new chapter.

Every time I start a poem,
I open up word pad,
it says ‘Untitled’ at the top.
But the page is empty.
Nothing old, all new,
White page, fresh start, brand new.

Blank pages
I have a new muse
I’m
Finding the words
I’m
Writing a new story
A new poem
A new song
Untitled.

Hope you like. More updates soon!

New Song- “Remember This”

A song I wrote about my grandma, who recently passed away from brain cancer. In my life, I like to take all things tragic and find something beautiful in them. I hated losing my grandma, but through it, God taught me to live life more urgently for Him.

I held you close
And kissed you forehead
And I said,
“I love you, goodbye”
Looking in your eyes
You looked at me
And said, “bye sweetie”

One wish
Please help me remember this
One kiss
To help me reminisce
Hold on to a moment of bliss
All of your happiness
Without the sickness
Please help me remember it

In the hospital
Looking out the window
The hours stretch on
I don’t want you to go
Bible in my hands
A prayer in my head
So many ‘I love you’s’
Left unsaid
Granny, my dear friend
Cancer steals you from my hand

One wish
Please help me remember this
One kiss
To help me reminisce
Hold on to a moment of bliss
All of your happiness
Without the sickness
Please help me remember it

We passed the pretty neighborhoods
Your neighbors seemed okay
But your grass was wild and crazy
House fading away
House of memories
With friends, good times with family
Daycare children ran happily
Summer camp in backyard fields of green
I remember your face
Remember your joy
My soul rings empty
For the sound of your voice

And I wish I could tell you
How much I love you
I saw His love
In the things you would do
There’s not always tomorrow
To share His grace
He only gives us this moment
Today

The day comes
Like a thief in the night
There is barely time
To say goodbye
We have only today
To live this life
To know His love
So we can be alive

One wish, please help me remember this
That His love surpasses all sickness

One wish, please help me remember this
That His love surpasses all sickness

I touched your soft hair
And kissed your forehead
I could guess
You have found your peace again

copyright Jennifer Clayton

Peace be with you, Granny. I love you.

New Song- “Released”, Updates!

Yay! I keep wondering how my love for Jesus will reflect in my actions, reflect in my music. I have written and recorded another song, called ‘Released’. It’s almost of good enough quality to post on YouTube! Lol just kidding.

Download & Listen

These are the lyrics:

High school memories
Remembering the times past
Always went unseen
An outcast to outcasts
They looked right by me
As I stood in back
My movie
Fades to black

Something is released
Deep within me
For all the world to see
It’s overcoming
All the bitter feelings
Of being left alone here
What sets me free?
Separating from the fear?
What helps me start healing?
His presence is so near

Oh yeah!

Eat or be eaten
Find your own way home
But he is leading
Me to where I belong
Heart bruised and bent
All full of holes
But his fingerprints
Are on my soul
Warmth melts cold resent
As love takes its toll

Something is released
Deep within me
For all the world to see
It’s overcoming
All the bitter feelings
Of being left alone here
What sets me free?
Separating from the fear?
What helps me start healing?
His presence is so near

He stood by me
When the world turned its back
His light shines bright
While the world goes black

Something is released
Deep within me
For all the world to see
It’s overcoming
All the bitter feelings
Of being left alone here
What sets me free?
Separating from the fear?
What helps me start healing?
His presence is so near

Oh yeah!
Oh yeah!
Oh yeah!

copyright Jennifer Clayton

Another thing! I am looking for a band to sing and play guitar in. I found this website where I can put up my information and my music and look for a band and bands can look for me. I am going to start talking to people, and get this dream on the road.

My book of poetry for Jesus, named ‘Atypical Jesus’, is well under way. I have been writing and editing and moving and changing and adding and reading and everything. I really am writing this book. I can’t wait to post some of the book on this blog. I can’t wait to get it published. I’M HYPER EXCITED!! 😀

Remember, living for God means dedicating your life to him, making him your priority, and making sure that what you are doing is for him. I am incorporating my love of music and poetry and blessing him, the way he has blessed me. Utilise your talents for him, and see what a difference you can make. Share your love of God with others! 🙂

New Song- “Scars”

I love writing songs! Here is another I wrote, called ‘Scars’:

They told me my cuts were earned
My bruises mine alone, clearly deserved
I collapsed under the weight of it all
No strength to hold on to avoid the fall
On the ground I gasped for breath
But every one hurt more than all the rest
Under the moon
Burning and sore
I gave up my self
Told God I’d trust him more
And in the cold of the night
His voice soothed my tears
He held my hand
As He watched my tears

No one pays attention to the girl covered in scars
But that night, I saw a shining star
And I felt all the hope in His eyes
Telling me not to believe their lies
Floating in peace
Touched my bruised skin
To heal me

My pen to paper could not take away the pain
I would always vent in vain
Try to take away all thoughts disturbed
He told me there’s no need to trust
The hollow words

The peace I seed through poetry
Never existed
And he let me see
That he’s the peace in me
I’ll never wake up
From sleeping in his arms tonight
To the nightmare of this world
Very much alive

No one pays attention to the girl covered in scars
But that night, I saw a shining star
And I felt all the hope in His eyes
Telling me not to believe their lies
Floating in peace
Touched my bruised skin
To heal me

Broken heart and broken dreams
Ripped away a part of me
The need to write, the need to bleed
But He patches the broken wings
A need to burn
A need to hurt
A scarring from their brutal words
But through their screaming, all I heard
Was Him telling me I’m free
That he loves me

copyright Jennifer Clayton

I have a recorded version of the song! I will continue practicing it, so it sounds better and better when I sing it. I want it to eventually be perfect!

Click here to download and listen to it!

The world made me feel worthless. Trusting God made me feel whole, really, for the first time in my life. No one paid attention to all my scars except Him. Everyone just saw pass them, assuming I was okay.

But I wasn’t.

Poetry book, picture for chapter ‘My Regenerative Heart’

I have always wanted to write a book of poetry, and I am currently working on one. It was originally just going to be various poems that I wrote, about whatever I felt like. But life became more challenging and unbearable to live, and my poetry got crazier. I got to the point where I was completely desperate, and I finally just trusted God with my life instead of myself. So the poems will start off with all the bad stuff, and then reveal my radical transformation through living for Christ.

I kept trying to think of what the name of it might be, but I think I will just name it ‘Atypical Jesus’. This is because it does talk about him being atypical and different from the normal, and all the effects he has had on my life. It’s already the name of the blog, and since it already has some steam behind it, I will keep using it. No point in really starting over, I guess I am coining the term, lol.

‘Regenerative Heart’ is the title of a chapter. This chapter talks about the new way I look at the world, and how God has had a major effect on my beliefs. I look at marriage/relationships differently, money/jobs differently, friendships differently, priorities differently, etc. Jesus gives me my regenerative heart, which means like new life, basically.

I drew this picture on neondragonart.com. It took about 7 hours (not all in one sitting, though!). This is not the cover of the book, but just the picture for a chapter in the book. The cover will be insanely awesome.

I love being able to write stories and draw, and be able to incorporate the two. :3

Copyright Jennifer Clayton

I lovelovelove running hard after God, doing the best I can to share him with the world. He is my best friend, my Lord, my Saviour.

*Poetry Corner- “Forever Etched in His Memory”

“There are people that believe a photo
Captures your soul
For them this is a terrible thing
For me, it’s one last chance”

A Softer World (asofterworld.com)

This quote really gives me chills. Everyone acts like it so horrible to submit to Jesus because they want to live their own lives, live their own dreams. They don’t want him to ‘capture their souls within photographs.’ But the reason why I submitted to him was becase I finally realized that if I don’t, and he doesn’t ‘save me in his photographs’, my soul will fade away, anyway. I don’t rescue it by resisting him; I merely aid in it’s quick fading away. I came to the realization that he truly was my one last chance.

It’s really just a metaphor. When I say “we need let him take our pictures, capture our souls within photographs,” I am merely saying that we need to trust him more than we trust ourselves.

(I don’t actually mean Jesus literally runs around, freaking people out, trying to take pictures of them. That would make for a very freaky and interesting day.)

When we trust ourselves to make it through this life on our own, we are trying to depend on our own strength, take care of our own souls. But only Jesus can really take care of our souls, if we let him. If we trust him to rescue us. If we let him lead us, let him be Lord and Savior. Admit to our faults and let him make us whole. His dreams for us our bigger than our dreams for us.

He ‘captures our souls in photos’, so we don’t waste our time, trying to lead ourselves, living a life that only leads to spiritual death. Leading a life that is incredibly unfulfilling, in the end. He allows us to live fulfilling lives through him, and then we make it to heaven, and this is how we live forever, ‘in his photographs.’

Forever Etched in His Memory

Soul evaporating
Days go by
The sun rises and sets
Grey enters the sky
I walk on daffodils in fairytales
But still I feel myself
Drifting away

Blue skys with yellow beams of light
Picturesque and bright
Melt into black
Not enough time to even look back
And I feel these final breaths of mine
Slipping away

Gripping a camera
In my hands
I can stand here
In a fading land
Or reserve what’s left of my fleeting soul
Putting delicate memories on hold
Frustration, my tears, all of my laughs
Locked within this photograph
I have the key to put them away
What to choose?
One fleeting day
Or forever etched in a memory

My soul is growing cold
Lost in all the decadance
I’d like to linger around
Just one last chance, one last chance

When we have life
Without the footprints of Jesus in our hearts
We can’t shine forever
While our worlds grow dark
It’s just a fleeting day,
A fairytale world always fading gray
A final breath you try to hold on to
That keeps, somehow, slipping away

I choose
The Camera of God
Capture a fleeting soul
Forever etched in His memory

Now along the shore of my heart
I see my second chance:
The footprints of Jesus
Lie forever in the sand

copyright Jennifer Clayton

New Song- “In Between Days”

I recently wrote a song:

In between days
We fall into blackness
Going different ways
Soaked in all the sadness
Within all the grey
We wait in the madness
We are the broken pieces
Broken hearts
Left to protect ourselves
Or be lost in the dark

But Lord, you embrace us all
Cushion our fall
My family loved me
But still I died yesterday
And in this fast world
All the friends I’ve made
Said I’d always belong
Surrounded by everything
But inside, I felt alone
And these bullets of cold words and disconnection
Always seemed to graze
My heart, where no one noticed how it stopped
In between days

I’d lie down for hours
Just to cry
Only God noticed
I was so empty inside
They claimed I’d be happy
By having things
The more stuff I had
The more I felt empty
It’s about a heart feeling
When no one noticed
I trusted God instead
Because He sees

And these bullets of cold words and disconnection
Always seemed to graze
My heart, where no one noticed how it stopped
In between days
In between days

Copyright Jennifer Clayton

Listen! Not perfect, but I finally recorded it. Yay! Tell me what you think:

In Between Days

This song is about how before I met Christ and trusted him, I used to be in this world, surrounded by stuff, but always feeling empty. In between the days, no one noticed how I was so broken up inside.

Still Wearing Purity Ring, *Poetry Corner- “Valuable”

So I have been wearing my purity ring since June, 2010. I am so psyched that this year, I am zeroing in on wearing it for a year. I will be so proud of myself!

I promised God that I would not have sex until I am married, and it still isn’t too difficult. This is because I am focused on doing the Lord’s work: reading the bible, telling others about him, etc. I really feel that the Lord loves my promise, and that he is pushing me away from sex. I love that this is easy right now.

I know 100% that it will not always be. I am sure I am going to run into cute guys, who are nice and friendly, and I will be tempted, and that’s when the true test comes. I am praying that the Lord gives me strength to get past it, and help to keep me focused. I am a young 18 year old, and there is just waaay too much room for bad stuff to happen. Pray for me! I just stopped writing and prayed for myself.

If you are not married, you should be practicing abstinence. Busy yourselves with the Lord’s work.

“I want you to be free from worry. A man who is not married is busy with the Lord’s work, trying to please the Lord. But a man who is married is busy with things of the world, trying to please his wife. I am saying this to help you, not to limit you. But I want you to live in the right way, to give yourselves fully to the Lord without concern for other things.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-33, 35

Do something you love. Get together with other believes who are working at the same goal of staying pure. Pray, and don’t put yourselves in situations where you would be tempted. Maybe avoid a certain party or person/group of people. Surround yourself with people who will lift you up for avoiding sex, not tear you down.

Wearing my ring makes me feel beautiful; like I am well worth the wait. I don’t feel the need to give myself away, because I trust the Lord to bring me the right person, at the right time. That time is not now. It makes me feel like the most beautiful person in the world, because other girls are often desperate to give themselves away when they aren’t ready, and it’s like they think they are nothing without sex.

But that’s not true! There’s no need to feel desperate, because there will be plenty of time when we are older and with the right person. We are so precious and beautiful and wonderful, even without sex!

Valuable

No man can tell me
I’m not beautiful,
That I’m not a precious gem
Because I refuse
To give it up to him

They can shut up
I’m doing just great
God’s teaching me
I’m well worth the wait
Wrapped in a golden gown
Wearing a golden crown
Dressed in the love
Of Jesus

No man can take from me
What I refuse to give away
I am valuable, wake up special
Every single day
I’m loved by the one
Who matters most
Who cherishes me
Much more than precious gold

Absorbed in God
I wear a crown of his love
And until the time has come
For my beloved
I’m just fine with Jesus
He’s the only guy
I’ll be thinking of

Declaring
I’ll remain in purity
Until He finds the one for me
No need to feel alone
More precious than gold
You’re valuable
You’re valuable
You’re valuable,
You know

The Lord sees you
In all your radiant beauty
He wants you
To ignore the lustful man
He wants you to
To take His hand
And when you feel alone,
He sees your beauty glow,
saying,
“Hey, you’re valuable,
You’re valuable,
You’re valuable,
You know”

Copyright Jennifer Clayton
———————

I feel cherished and loved by God, and that’s enough for me. We are his beautiful children. He wants the best for us, and that means waiting. 🙂

Remember, you are so worth the wait!!

*Poetry Corner- “Shoot for the Moon”

Shoot for the Moon

I shoot for the moon
Working long and hard
Though I have failed to reach it,
It never breaks my heart
Because I shoot for the moon
And always land on stars

I strive for excellence, perfection
Going for the gold
Why am I prevented from achieving it?
My scarred, imperfect human soul
I aim to get closer and closer to it
Constantly and consistently improving, bit by bit

In achieving all my dreams,
In everything I do
Lord, you are my standard
I always look to you
Because you shoot for the moon
And always make it that far
I will shoot for your moon
And always land on your stars
When I aim, I’m never so far aff
That I fall so far down
That I make it all the way
Back to the cold, lifeless ground

Because for you, I aim for excellence
Working long and hard
I cannot reach the moon like you
My sins keep us distant, far apart
But I’m pulled closer and made stronger
By knowing your heart
So when I shoot for the moon,
At least I always land on stars

-Jennifer Clayton

—————-
I wrote this poem because I work hard to tell people about Christ, and to improve as a Christian on the daily basis. It says that I strive for perfection in the things I do, but I never quite reach it; only Jesus can do that. I strive to not sin, but of course, I will sin; I strive to be faithful, but of course, I fall short.

It is the nature of who we are: fallen, broken, imperfect. And that is what Christ is for. By accepting him as my Lord and Saviour, asking him to come into my life and lead, trusting him in my heart, he made me flawless through himself. He is perfect, and I am not perfect, but I am made perfect through him. Only through him.

The goals I could not reach on my own, he helped me reach them. The strength I could never muster up on my own, he mustered it up for me. The courage I never had, he gave it to me. The love I never had, he shared his with me. Yes, the list goes on and on. He shoots for the moon and always lands on it. I shoot for the moon, fall short, but that is okay.

He forgives me for not being good enough, for falling short sooooo very often! Whenever I stumble, I am caught in his grace. His mercy is why it is okay for us not to be perfect. By dying on the cross and rising up 3 days later, he paid for our sins, all of our various imperfections. So I know it is okay to be imperfect, so long as I have in my heart. 😀 He is perfect where we can’t be, so we learn to depend on him. It truly is okay.

« Previous entries