Archive for Randomness and Rhymes

Poetry Book Update

I am still working diligently on my poetry book about Jesus. I am naming it ‘Atypical Jesus’, because he truly is unique and different from everyone. I have come to love how he stands in stark contrast to the rest of this fallen world.

It’s about my tragic wreck of a life before I met Christ, how I surrendered my life to him, and then it’s about my tragic wreck of a life with him. 😀 That is to say that all my problems don’t suddenly disappear because I start to live for him. It doesn’t magically turn perfect. But in significant ways, it becomes easier.

It may appear the same to some, but I assure you that it is drastically different. Why? Because there is a huge difference between my strength and the strength of God, and I begin to rely on his strength. Life is still very hard on me, but I can cope with it a lot better.

I have found purpose in the everyday things I do, there is meaning for every breath I ever take. I don’t feel like I am wondering aimlessly. I am living out my dreams through him, and it’s a wonderful, breathtaking journey. Surprising and full of heart break along with fulfillment.

There is a huge difference in my poetry before I accepted Christ and after. The poems after are much more heartfelt and overflowing with love.

Annnyway, I thought I’d post a poem that I was working on.

Beyond the Horizon

I still want to help the world
Still have that little girl’s heart
Been sleeping and dreaming for so long
Tearing actual realities apart

Running through fields of orchids
Sunlight and dreams like gold
All these years chasing fairy-tales
Too magical for any human to hold
Only angels could understand
Only their ethereal touch could know

Running mad and wild
To a glowing horizon
If I could reach that place dividing earth and sky
That all of my dreams lie on

Reach that stretch beyond space and time
The line where the world bends
Where everything is thrown into slow motion
And even my breath stops short and ends

If I could reach that shimmering horizon
I know I could taste eternity
Just beyond it lies my Savior
Always watching over me
Pouring love into my bones
Giving strength effortlessly
Whispering truths into my heart
Oxygen for my dreams to breathe
Beyond this place and faithless people
His spirit always rings

Beyond the golden horizon
Time stops and all is still
Except for a passionate Jesus
And his fiery will

The will to love and be loved
The will to sacrifice, to die
The will to stare down creeping death
To look him in the eyes
To challenge him, take him on
And come out on the other side
Still strong and alive
I long to reach my Savior
On the other side
Beyond the horizon
That place dividing earth and sky

copyright Jennifer Clayton

The book really is coming along. I plan to have it done by the end of this year, and hopefully published early next year, before I turn 20. It will help me a lot that my mom self-publishes her own books, which makes a bit of the work easier for me.

I am currently trying to take my old poems and piece them together in a story for my life before Christ, which is very time consuming and slightly monotonous. I am also trying to work on writing new poems for my life with Christ.

The new section is called “Untitled”. I draw a picture to indicate each new chapter.

Every time I start a poem,
I open up word pad,
it says ‘Untitled’ at the top.
But the page is empty.
Nothing old, all new,
White page, fresh start, brand new.

Blank pages
I have a new muse
I’m
Finding the words
I’m
Writing a new story
A new poem
A new song
Untitled.

Hope you like. More updates soon!

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*Poetry Corner- “Forever Etched in His Memory”

“There are people that believe a photo
Captures your soul
For them this is a terrible thing
For me, it’s one last chance”

A Softer World (asofterworld.com)

This quote really gives me chills. Everyone acts like it so horrible to submit to Jesus because they want to live their own lives, live their own dreams. They don’t want him to ‘capture their souls within photographs.’ But the reason why I submitted to him was becase I finally realized that if I don’t, and he doesn’t ‘save me in his photographs’, my soul will fade away, anyway. I don’t rescue it by resisting him; I merely aid in it’s quick fading away. I came to the realization that he truly was my one last chance.

It’s really just a metaphor. When I say “we need let him take our pictures, capture our souls within photographs,” I am merely saying that we need to trust him more than we trust ourselves.

(I don’t actually mean Jesus literally runs around, freaking people out, trying to take pictures of them. That would make for a very freaky and interesting day.)

When we trust ourselves to make it through this life on our own, we are trying to depend on our own strength, take care of our own souls. But only Jesus can really take care of our souls, if we let him. If we trust him to rescue us. If we let him lead us, let him be Lord and Savior. Admit to our faults and let him make us whole. His dreams for us our bigger than our dreams for us.

He ‘captures our souls in photos’, so we don’t waste our time, trying to lead ourselves, living a life that only leads to spiritual death. Leading a life that is incredibly unfulfilling, in the end. He allows us to live fulfilling lives through him, and then we make it to heaven, and this is how we live forever, ‘in his photographs.’

Forever Etched in His Memory

Soul evaporating
Days go by
The sun rises and sets
Grey enters the sky
I walk on daffodils in fairytales
But still I feel myself
Drifting away

Blue skys with yellow beams of light
Picturesque and bright
Melt into black
Not enough time to even look back
And I feel these final breaths of mine
Slipping away

Gripping a camera
In my hands
I can stand here
In a fading land
Or reserve what’s left of my fleeting soul
Putting delicate memories on hold
Frustration, my tears, all of my laughs
Locked within this photograph
I have the key to put them away
What to choose?
One fleeting day
Or forever etched in a memory

My soul is growing cold
Lost in all the decadance
I’d like to linger around
Just one last chance, one last chance

When we have life
Without the footprints of Jesus in our hearts
We can’t shine forever
While our worlds grow dark
It’s just a fleeting day,
A fairytale world always fading gray
A final breath you try to hold on to
That keeps, somehow, slipping away

I choose
The Camera of God
Capture a fleeting soul
Forever etched in His memory

Now along the shore of my heart
I see my second chance:
The footprints of Jesus
Lie forever in the sand

copyright Jennifer Clayton

Still Wearing Purity Ring, *Poetry Corner- “Valuable”

So I have been wearing my purity ring since June, 2010. I am so psyched that this year, I am zeroing in on wearing it for a year. I will be so proud of myself!

I promised God that I would not have sex until I am married, and it still isn’t too difficult. This is because I am focused on doing the Lord’s work: reading the bible, telling others about him, etc. I really feel that the Lord loves my promise, and that he is pushing me away from sex. I love that this is easy right now.

I know 100% that it will not always be. I am sure I am going to run into cute guys, who are nice and friendly, and I will be tempted, and that’s when the true test comes. I am praying that the Lord gives me strength to get past it, and help to keep me focused. I am a young 18 year old, and there is just waaay too much room for bad stuff to happen. Pray for me! I just stopped writing and prayed for myself.

If you are not married, you should be practicing abstinence. Busy yourselves with the Lord’s work.

“I want you to be free from worry. A man who is not married is busy with the Lord’s work, trying to please the Lord. But a man who is married is busy with things of the world, trying to please his wife. I am saying this to help you, not to limit you. But I want you to live in the right way, to give yourselves fully to the Lord without concern for other things.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-33, 35

Do something you love. Get together with other believes who are working at the same goal of staying pure. Pray, and don’t put yourselves in situations where you would be tempted. Maybe avoid a certain party or person/group of people. Surround yourself with people who will lift you up for avoiding sex, not tear you down.

Wearing my ring makes me feel beautiful; like I am well worth the wait. I don’t feel the need to give myself away, because I trust the Lord to bring me the right person, at the right time. That time is not now. It makes me feel like the most beautiful person in the world, because other girls are often desperate to give themselves away when they aren’t ready, and it’s like they think they are nothing without sex.

But that’s not true! There’s no need to feel desperate, because there will be plenty of time when we are older and with the right person. We are so precious and beautiful and wonderful, even without sex!

Valuable

No man can tell me
I’m not beautiful,
That I’m not a precious gem
Because I refuse
To give it up to him

They can shut up
I’m doing just great
God’s teaching me
I’m well worth the wait
Wrapped in a golden gown
Wearing a golden crown
Dressed in the love
Of Jesus

No man can take from me
What I refuse to give away
I am valuable, wake up special
Every single day
I’m loved by the one
Who matters most
Who cherishes me
Much more than precious gold

Absorbed in God
I wear a crown of his love
And until the time has come
For my beloved
I’m just fine with Jesus
He’s the only guy
I’ll be thinking of

Declaring
I’ll remain in purity
Until He finds the one for me
No need to feel alone
More precious than gold
You’re valuable
You’re valuable
You’re valuable,
You know

The Lord sees you
In all your radiant beauty
He wants you
To ignore the lustful man
He wants you to
To take His hand
And when you feel alone,
He sees your beauty glow,
saying,
“Hey, you’re valuable,
You’re valuable,
You’re valuable,
You know”

Copyright Jennifer Clayton
———————

I feel cherished and loved by God, and that’s enough for me. We are his beautiful children. He wants the best for us, and that means waiting. 🙂

Remember, you are so worth the wait!!

*Poetry Corner- “Shoot for the Moon”

Shoot for the Moon

I shoot for the moon
Working long and hard
Though I have failed to reach it,
It never breaks my heart
Because I shoot for the moon
And always land on stars

I strive for excellence, perfection
Going for the gold
Why am I prevented from achieving it?
My scarred, imperfect human soul
I aim to get closer and closer to it
Constantly and consistently improving, bit by bit

In achieving all my dreams,
In everything I do
Lord, you are my standard
I always look to you
Because you shoot for the moon
And always make it that far
I will shoot for your moon
And always land on your stars
When I aim, I’m never so far aff
That I fall so far down
That I make it all the way
Back to the cold, lifeless ground

Because for you, I aim for excellence
Working long and hard
I cannot reach the moon like you
My sins keep us distant, far apart
But I’m pulled closer and made stronger
By knowing your heart
So when I shoot for the moon,
At least I always land on stars

-Jennifer Clayton

—————-
I wrote this poem because I work hard to tell people about Christ, and to improve as a Christian on the daily basis. It says that I strive for perfection in the things I do, but I never quite reach it; only Jesus can do that. I strive to not sin, but of course, I will sin; I strive to be faithful, but of course, I fall short.

It is the nature of who we are: fallen, broken, imperfect. And that is what Christ is for. By accepting him as my Lord and Saviour, asking him to come into my life and lead, trusting him in my heart, he made me flawless through himself. He is perfect, and I am not perfect, but I am made perfect through him. Only through him.

The goals I could not reach on my own, he helped me reach them. The strength I could never muster up on my own, he mustered it up for me. The courage I never had, he gave it to me. The love I never had, he shared his with me. Yes, the list goes on and on. He shoots for the moon and always lands on it. I shoot for the moon, fall short, but that is okay.

He forgives me for not being good enough, for falling short sooooo very often! Whenever I stumble, I am caught in his grace. His mercy is why it is okay for us not to be perfect. By dying on the cross and rising up 3 days later, he paid for our sins, all of our various imperfections. So I know it is okay to be imperfect, so long as I have in my heart. 😀 He is perfect where we can’t be, so we learn to depend on him. It truly is okay.

*Poetry Corner- “Fall Out of the Sky”

The stars fall out of the sky
Crushing everything
Down below
The inky blue of the night
Drowns everything
All living things
Cease to grow

And everything of today
Just fades away
And the world implodes
Within itself
When the world is gone
What is left?

All your broken dreams
Once held together by
Temporary things
Overwhelmed by new found misery
Deceived by your worldly
False sense of security
And when all is gone
You just about go insane
Calculating what remains
What of this world?
Well, nothing
Just nothing
You are a sellout for this world
Well, there’s nothing
But Jesus and his glory
And the hearts of those who believe

And the dangerous means
By which you chased after your
Fleeting dreams
Leaves you crumpled and empty
Now you’re fading and leaving
Did you not know
Those feelings were fleeting?

You look up and whisper goodbye
Asking “why?”
Those beautiful stars fall out of the sky
Crushing everything down below
How could you not know?
How could you not know?

Copyright Jennifer Clayton 😀

*Poetry Corner- “Ego”, greed

Ego

If there’s not time today
There will never be time

How come we’re the richest
Acting like we’re poorest?
Our egos are the biggest
And the sorest

Won’t open up our wallets
Because we are afraid
Having EVERYTHING is not enough
To make a change

How come we’re the richest
Acting like we’re poorest?
Our egos are the biggest
And the sorest

And the acidic greed inside our hearts
Burns away at our souls
Devouring everything it sees, it feeds
Until all that’s left are holes

Some people have what’s very small
Some have nothing at all
Very few are filthy rich like us
Have EVERYTHING and not enough
People suffer
And we wanna see change
But we ourselves are the problem
Standing in the way!

Making the world feel small
We have to have it all
And the bigger we are
The harder we fall
Why is the world
Callous and unfair?
‘Cause we don’t see greed in the mirror
But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there

If times are hard today,
They will never be easy
If there’s no money today
There will never be enough money

Can’t set broken hearts free
Starving and empty
While our endless greed
Only feeds and feeds
Can’t look them in the eyes
And see all their pain
If we keep living only for us
Then there will never be change

How come we’re the richest
Acting like w’re poorest?
Our egos are the biggest
And the sorest

-Jennifer Clayton
—————————-
I get so frustrated with countries like America. It’s not just us, but we definitely are super guilty of this. We hit hard times, like when the economy is going crazy and we’re afraid we will lose our jobs and houses and everything. But even at our worse, we are so much better off than other countries. Billions of people around the world live off less than $2 a day. And we are upset? I guarantee those people would take living in our difficult economy any day over living the way they live. At our worse, we are living better than most of the world. Our worse is better than their best.

Perry Noble once said that “only in America can you be obese and poor at the same time.” And he’s so right! People act like they broke, but they still have means of getting the things they need. I recognize that even when times are hard here, it doesn’t change the fact that we are born with silver spoons in our mouths. Perry also was talking about how we have storage houses for our cars. People in other countries could live with their whole family in one of our car garages. We have houses and then houses for our cars.

Only in America will we complain about how hard times are getting, and then you still see all these commercials about getting your dogs the best food and grooming them and treating them like they are just like people. It’s like, “yeah, these are hard times, but we still somehow have money for this stuff” It’s ridiculous! We’re struggling but we can take care of ourselves and our pets… when people in others places don’t have anything to feed their families, and they wouldn’t even think about pets!

We get so blinded by how much stuff we have. The poem is saying that we have big and sore egos. They are big because we constantly want more and more stuff, and sore because we sit and complain about everything we don’t have, even though we have everything. “If there’s no money today, there will never be enough money” means that if we have so much stuff, but still can’t find it in our hearts to give, because we feel that we don’t have enough, then we will never find it in our hearts to give.

There won’t be enough for everyone if we only want more. There will only ever be enough for everyone if we realize that we do have everything, and others desperately need our help and our generosity, so that they can survive, too.

This is why we need humility. Why Christ calls us to be humble and to give to the poor.

“But God gives us even more grace, as the Scripture says, ‘God is against the proud, but he gives grace to the humble.'” James 4:6

“Jesus answered, ‘If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.’” Matthew 19:21

Humility and serving others gets rid of our blindness, pushes away our greed. And this is what we need. Loving people like this by giving and serving shows the world that Christ is real, because acts such as these truly show how he loves. When we are greedy, nobody can see Christ in us. People think we are liars and fake. Don’t put on an act. Get out there and do your job, show genuine love, and I guarantee people will change, and ultimately the world will change.

*Poetry Corner- “Waterfall of Grace”, art

Waterfall of Grace

Falling, falling
In a waterfall of grace
When I hit the bottom
I will not break
Against the rocks
I will not break or falter
I’ll land right in the water

Waterfall
Graceful fall
Sinking and sinking
Plummit into
The depths of his mercy
Crashing into
The hope of eternity
And the love inside his heart
Lets me loose, sets me free
Sinking
In an ocean of grace
And the bottom,
I will never reach
I keep falling and falling
Immsersed in his mercy

When I fall, I never hit the rocks
I’ll never drown
I actually breathe for the first time
By all the love I’ve found
Or that’s found me
Sinking in a waterfall of grace
For all eternity

copyright Jennifer Clayton

A picture I recently drew, which coincidently goes with this poem:

Hope you guys feel this way. 🙂

*Poetry Corner- “Wrapped Up in Chains”

Wrapped Up in Chains

So much pain,
I can’t feel
Anything at all
Lord, I did not give you half of my heart
I swore I’d give it all
And so I gave it all

Even with you Lord, I fall hard to the ground
And in chains, forever I’m bound
And I scream in the pain
But internally, I pace myself
And I constantly reflect on
The love in your heart
And even as I hurt, I’m okay
Your mercy, your power, your glory,
Hardwired in my brain,
Excuse me-
I mean, hardwired in my heart

And I stand in the flames
Wrapped up in your chains
And head strong, I move on
If I’m in pain, I’ll resist running away
As long as it brings glory to you
Will it make you happy?
Then I’ll fight my way through
Whether I live or die,
I’ll stand by your side
This world cannot shake the love
I have gained in you
Each bullet in my soul,
I’ll take it for you
At the end of the day
When I’m burning, sitting on the pain
I am running this race
And I will pace myself
So I can make it through
Forgetting myself,
I’m living this life for you

You sacrificed yourself for my freedom
And as a Christian, I cannot live without sacrifice
You were in pain so spiritually, I could survive
And to say following you is easy
Is nothing but a lie
But it’s certainly worth a try
And the preachers preach and they preach
But if they tell everyone this is easy
It is a lie
But I know the grace I’ve recieved
And so I will try
Running this race
Face to face with the pain,
Wearing your name
By carrying chains

But I won’t fall over dead in my heart
This pain is nothing compared to the
Freedom you’ve given me
And I will pace myself
Until I pass the finish line
And I can look you in the eyes
Be by your side
In Heaven

And you laid down your life for mine
As a Christian, I can’t live without self-sacrifice
I’ll see you in heaven when I cross the finish line
Because you are well worth the race, worth the fight

—————————

copyright Jennifer Clayton

I wanted to write a poem about how following Christ isn’t easy, but it is soooo worth the fight. The reward in heaven, the love, the strength.. freakin’ amazing. To be able to stand out in this world as something different, have self-respect, to live for something bigger than you.. to have a purpose, to know the direction you are going in life, to have something to ground you in the midst of all the craziness, to have a relationship when you are lonely… nice.

But it’s not easy. It’s hard work, sacrificing the things I want to live for Christ. I have to lay down my desires and pick up his desires. Carry my cross. But I truly don’t mind. It’s nothing compared to the hell I used to live in before him. Being in pain for him doesn’t hurt nearly as much as having fun without him.. seriously! We have to learn to let him lead us. It is hard, since we are such individualistic people, who want to be independent and go after our goals and make ourselves bigger. But everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss…

Poetry Corner!! ‘Not Afraid’, ‘Mother Mary’

Not Afraid

In some place,
I played the victim
For the very last time
Yesterday, all I did was hide and cry
Afraid of the pain of today
Of a cruel world overwhelming with hate
Resistant to facing my fate
Underneath the weight of this world

Underneath a bloody sky
All I ever did was hide
And run around, far away from strangers
Deranged and
I finally settled down
Said a prayer
What do you know,
Now I understand all the anger I see
Building up inside buildings,
Behind walls, families
Worried, afraid, abused, uneasy

But it’s all because of Jesus
I can walk around in dangerous streets
And someone threaten to beat me up
And I’m not scared of a dang thing
I will stand, not afraid
I won’t flinch or run away
I’ve spent all my life running from the battle
Now I’m on the battle ground
Standing up for the savior I believe in
Standing up for the love I’ve found
I fell in love with Jesus
The day I realized
He died for me on the cross
I fell so far in love
That my poetic voice
Was simply at a loss
For words
Something so unheard of

Jesus loves me
The shepherd of the damned
It’s all because of Jesus
I’m not afraid of the world
I frickin’ embrace who I am

Mother Mary

Mother Mary
Look into the
Eyes of your baby
And in your own heart,
What do you see?

Mother Mary
Spend a day with me
Walk with me
And tell me
Your story

Your son, just a babe
Three wise men followed stars one day
To praise his holy name
Offering gifts
Even they recognize
Something special in his eyes
And you are with him all the time

So Mother Mary
Tell me your story
About the new found glory
Tell me,
How do you react to possessing everything?
Wrapped in the eternal blessing
As your bundle of joy is wrapped up
In your arms
Soft and warm
Calling for you
How do you feel, what do you say,
What do you do
Breath taken away
Day to day
Embrace the name
Of King Jesus

Mother Mary
Beautiful inside
Let me just take a look
Into your eyes
Soak up the miracle
Soak up the love I see
I’ll spend the day with you
You’ll spend the day with me
Telling me what it’s like to be
Mother Mary

Both poems copyright Jennifer Clayton. 🙂

Click here to Accept Christ!

Faith, *Poetry Corner- “Despite a Circumstance”

Despite a Circumstance

Sometimes I look out my window
And I still cry
For the times that I’m alone
I still ache and sting and burn
Like touching a stove
For the love in my heart has been neglected
Seems that no ones wants to share in its beauty
And I lay my head down on my pillow and cry

And each salty tear runs down my cheek
And I just want to close my eyes
And cease to exist
But what’s the point of thinking that?
I still love being alive
Despite
Not having a boyfriend, not being married
I still love being alive
Even when my sister gives me hell
I still love being alive
When I stop feeling God so near
Somewhere, deep inside, I still know he’s here
I still like smiling
Despite the million times I’ve cried
I still like living
Despite the million times I’ve died
I still like dreaming
Despite the million times I’ve been forced
Into a harsh reality
I still love who I am
Despite what people think of me

And I know that even God in heaven
Looks at my tears
And sees the hope I have of tomorrow
The hope he has given me
Because when I am alone, staring out my window
Or head burried down in my pillow
I feel beautiful from the
Inside out
Because God lets me feel more
Beauty than I have pain
And what is a friend
Who would let me feel sorrow in vain?
He is a fountain of love
I drink from again and again
And again

——————-

Somedays I roll out of bed and feel like I could just die. I don’t know why my life is made like this. Why sometimes, I am the happiest person in the world, and other times, I just don’t know what to do with myself except rot in a corner. Sometimes I feel so elated, sometimes, I feel so down I dream of cutting myself… but I know Christ is near because when I think those thoughts, he pushes them away and refuses to let me think them. So some inspiration:

“But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction.” Job 36:15

“Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. The arrogant mock me without restraint, but I do not turn from your law.” Psalm 119:49-51

“He said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.'” Mark 5:34

Somedays, I wake up thinking this has got to be the last day I can stomach, I can’t have any more hope in this pathetic life. But it is amazing how just a little light outshines all the darkness. Just by holding on one more day, and continuing this pattern day after day, I see myself getting better, being happier, feeling like a more whole person.

Sometimes, it seems like life is ripped from right underneath me and all I want to do is die in peace. But I have always had an eternal flame of light in my heart, outshining all my bitter darkness, that keeps me pressing hard into tomorrow. I know it will be okay, even if it’s not.

With Christ, I get to live above my circumstances. I can be treated harshly, yelled at, cursed at, hate everything about this world, and still feel a sense of peace in my spirit. It is the peace of Jesus himself, for he is the Prince of Peace. There is nothing like finding peace in the most difficult of places. And that is why I trust in him- because I hunger, just like everyone else- for that peace.

Let go of your worries, breathe, and trust in him.

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