I am journeying through the bible- this is my 2nd time. I read the whole bible and finished a little over a month ago, and now I am reading through again. I would like to challenge myself to start memorizing scripture, so whenever my heart needs help from the Lord, all I have to do is remember verses and phrases that help inspire me.
Normally, when I feel bad, I have to go look up verses, but now I can write the words on my heart:
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” – Deuteronomy 6:6-9
I am putting the words of God in my heart, so I remember then wherever I go. They will be with me when I rise in the morning and when I lie down, whenever I am in pain and whenever I feel peace. Always, they will be with me.
This time as I am reading the bible, I am trying to watch the scenes unfold in my head, like seeing Jacob and his family making their way to Egypt to live there and be with Joseph. I am trying to feel real people and real sitautions and real feelings. The more the word comes alive in my mind and heart, the better I understand it and the more I trust in it.
I am struggling with crying a lot and with eating. I am praying that God will free me from the loneliness in my life and asking him to be the man in my life by leading me and guiding me and loving me. I don’t want to feel so dependent on romantic relationships, so I am trying to channel that pain into something beautiful, by spending more time with Jesus on the daily basis.
“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-33, 35
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
“Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” Isaiah 54:10
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1
I am working on my ever-present feelings of loneliness. I don’t want to cry when I see happy couples, I want to feel strong and grounded. Faithful and secure in the promise of Christ, not weak and weary with desire.
I have also had this problem with eating. I don’t want to eat breakfast or lunch… I have to force msyelf to eat. I could eat two small things and be good for the rest of the day, and then wake up the next day, not eat breakfast, and have to force myself to eat lunch. My body just does not crave food. I desperately hope the Lord will help me fix this, because I don’t want to accidently starve myself.
I know good and well my body needs nutrition, regardless of if I feel hungry or not. 😦
Anyhoo, tomorrow, when I get paid, I am going to start donating some of the $100 I said I would spend on Samaritan’s Purse donations. It feels so good to help introduce the name and poweful mercy of Jesus Christ to so many hurting people. I could never give enough money for this cause!!! 🙂
xoxox Jennifer Clayton