Archive for Giving

*Poetry Corner- “Ego”, greed


If there’s not time today
There will never be time

How come we’re the richest
Acting like we’re poorest?
Our egos are the biggest
And the sorest

Won’t open up our wallets
Because we are afraid
Having EVERYTHING is not enough
To make a change

How come we’re the richest
Acting like we’re poorest?
Our egos are the biggest
And the sorest

And the acidic greed inside our hearts
Burns away at our souls
Devouring everything it sees, it feeds
Until all that’s left are holes

Some people have what’s very small
Some have nothing at all
Very few are filthy rich like us
Have EVERYTHING and not enough
People suffer
And we wanna see change
But we ourselves are the problem
Standing in the way!

Making the world feel small
We have to have it all
And the bigger we are
The harder we fall
Why is the world
Callous and unfair?
‘Cause we don’t see greed in the mirror
But that doesn’t mean it isn’t there

If times are hard today,
They will never be easy
If there’s no money today
There will never be enough money

Can’t set broken hearts free
Starving and empty
While our endless greed
Only feeds and feeds
Can’t look them in the eyes
And see all their pain
If we keep living only for us
Then there will never be change

How come we’re the richest
Acting like w’re poorest?
Our egos are the biggest
And the sorest

-Jennifer Clayton
I get so frustrated with countries like America. It’s not just us, but we definitely are super guilty of this. We hit hard times, like when the economy is going crazy and we’re afraid we will lose our jobs and houses and everything. But even at our worse, we are so much better off than other countries. Billions of people around the world live off less than $2 a day. And we are upset? I guarantee those people would take living in our difficult economy any day over living the way they live. At our worse, we are living better than most of the world. Our worse is better than their best.

Perry Noble once said that “only in America can you be obese and poor at the same time.” And he’s so right! People act like they broke, but they still have means of getting the things they need. I recognize that even when times are hard here, it doesn’t change the fact that we are born with silver spoons in our mouths. Perry also was talking about how we have storage houses for our cars. People in other countries could live with their whole family in one of our car garages. We have houses and then houses for our cars.

Only in America will we complain about how hard times are getting, and then you still see all these commercials about getting your dogs the best food and grooming them and treating them like they are just like people. It’s like, “yeah, these are hard times, but we still somehow have money for this stuff” It’s ridiculous! We’re struggling but we can take care of ourselves and our pets… when people in others places don’t have anything to feed their families, and they wouldn’t even think about pets!

We get so blinded by how much stuff we have. The poem is saying that we have big and sore egos. They are big because we constantly want more and more stuff, and sore because we sit and complain about everything we don’t have, even though we have everything. “If there’s no money today, there will never be enough money” means that if we have so much stuff, but still can’t find it in our hearts to give, because we feel that we don’t have enough, then we will never find it in our hearts to give.

There won’t be enough for everyone if we only want more. There will only ever be enough for everyone if we realize that we do have everything, and others desperately need our help and our generosity, so that they can survive, too.

This is why we need humility. Why Christ calls us to be humble and to give to the poor.

“But God gives us even more grace, as the Scripture says, ‘God is against the proud, but he gives grace to the humble.'” James 4:6

“Jesus answered, ‘If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.’” Matthew 19:21

Humility and serving others gets rid of our blindness, pushes away our greed. And this is what we need. Loving people like this by giving and serving shows the world that Christ is real, because acts such as these truly show how he loves. When we are greedy, nobody can see Christ in us. People think we are liars and fake. Don’t put on an act. Get out there and do your job, show genuine love, and I guarantee people will change, and ultimately the world will change.

Operation Christmas Child, Donating, and Sponsoring a Child

So earlier, I posted about Operation Christmas Child. This organization that sends gifts to children around the world who live in poverty and maybe areas of war, etc. People make gifts and put them in shoeboxes or plastic containers, and when the children get the gifts, they also get to hear about Christ. So you are spreading the Gospel and the love of Christ is shown to them, for he loves them enough to bless them with gifts, and they learn that he loves them.

There is nothing that breaks my heart more or anything more beautiful. Last year I made two boxes, and I am in the process of finishing up 5 this year. I may want to do a couple more… I really am not sure. But the reason I choose to give to these children is because they get to hear about Christ.

There are plenty of organizations to give to, and while they are extremely important, because people need help all over the place, some organizations don’t really allow you to share the gospel with people. And as Perry Noble said one time about doing this: “You can free people from hell on earth, but that won’t free them from eternal hell.”

So basically he is saying we need to do both. Give them the necessities they need by donating and giving gifts, but also tell them about how true Jesus’s love is and how he saves people from pain, despite them being in poverty; how he allows them to get into heaven. He gives them peace and allows them to live above their circumstance, and even when the world around them is bad, they feel a sense of fulfillment in Christ.

If I don’t give to charities that share the gospel, my heart gets so broken because I feel like I am only doing half my job. I will still give to all kinds of charities, even when they don’t tell about Christ because these people still need to be taken care of. But I have to promise myself to also do charities that do share the gospel because these truly save souls. I know the difference between the two types of organizations, and I understand why one is so crucial in my heart.

Anyway, I did save up a hundred dollars for the boxes, and I did spend all this on my shoebox gifts! Actually, I spent around $120. I also plan on spending $100 to another Samaritan’s Purse cause (Samaritan’s Purse is the organization that started the Operation Christmas Child thing).

Samaritan’s Purse is all about rescuing people from hell on earth and from hell for eternity. So they have all kinds of things you can donate to, and I’m donating to them. So I’m spending around $200 on gifts for people this year, and these people will also learn about Jesus. That’s my absolute favorite part!

I tell Jesus that these are my “Christmas gifts to him”. For Christmas, people are always asking for what they want and sometimes they get really selfish. But Christmas is about the gift of Christ to the world. So I know what he would want for Christmas is for me to do something that truly honors him, by letting people know about Christ. By being selfless and giving up my dreams of having clothes and technology stuff and giving to children who truly need it most. If I get nothing for Christmas this year, it would truly be okay. Because I have already been radically af

fected by the message of Christ. I have peace of mind, despite my earthly circumstances, and this is because I am certain I will get into heaven because I truly have faith that Jesus has saved me from my sins in my heart.

So I’m done with my shoebox gifts and I turn them in on November 14 to my church, so they can send them to children on Christmas through Samaritan’s Purse. And then I’m spending money on donations. And one more of my ‘gift’s to Jesus’: I am thinking of sponsoring a child through a program called Compassion. It is an organization that lets you send money to a child each month, around $37, and you get to help their family and tell them about Christ. They form a relationship with you and get an opportunity to experience the love of Jesus and his Father and the Holy Spirit.

There was another organization where I could sponsor a child, and it costs about $10 less a month, but I couldn’t really tell them about Jesus and how he saves. They said we could not try to change the child’s faith with this organization. It was a tough decision to decide to pick another organization. It broke my heart because I know both children despeartely need love and to be taken care of, but I just couldn’t imagine only doing half my job by giving them heaven on earth but hell for eternity.

It seems so unfair because both children do need to be sponsored, even when you can’t tell them about your faith and how awesome it is. I truly pray that those children do get sponsored, but I would be too heart broken to go through with it, thinking about how I am not telling them about the true joy of life. But I am willing to spend $10 extra each month if it means I can talk about Jesus.

Jesus is freakin’ awesome. I plan on sponsoring a child through Compassion for a long time, because they are going to be dependent on me and my job. In a way, I get to be there mommy and I just can’t wait. I feel Jesus is leading me to sponsor a child, even though I am only 18 and have only had my job at Chick-fil-A for 7 or 8 months. I plan on actually sponsoring them on Christmas day. That’s my last gift to Jesus this year.

Haha, I can’t wait to see what I will do for him next year for Christmas. All I really want for Christmas is to please him. 🙂

Why am I doing this? Because Jesus has loved me with all his heart, given me all of his love. I only understand a teeny, teeny, tiny fraction of it. And with the little I understand, I do this kind of stuff. All of his love is really too great to understand. But it absolutely rocks my world and blows my mind what he can do through me with this little bit of love. Could you imagine how he can change the world with all his love? I’ll never understand why people act like Jesus is so horrible.

He uses us to change the world. People can only change by him if us Christians are willing to go and tell the people of the world about him. The responsibility falls squarely on our shoulders. If we don’t move, he can’t get his message out. He loves us so much and he trusted us so much by giving us this responsibility.

People so often have misconceptions about God and Jesus and heaven, or don’t even know about them at all, because we are so irresponsible as Christians a lot of the time. I give this love to these children because Jesus has loved me first. It is his love reaching them, not really my love. I freakin’ refuse to be an irresponsibilty Christian.

I want these children to feel the love I have experienced through Christ. He rocked my world in such a beautiful way when he saved me, letting me know that he loves me more than anyone else could ever love me. And I’m just letting these children know this.

Christians need to wake up and smell the coffee. Get off their behinds and realize people are hurting and dying every day because we aren’t being sevrants to Christ and spreading his message. We have to minister. People can’t change without our help. Heck yeah, I want to be like Billy Graham and Franklin Graham, going up and beyond for Jesus. ‘Cause Jesus says that this is what life is all about! 🙂 This is only the beginning of my ministry, barely touching the surface…

Preparing for “Operation Christmas Child”

Last year, at Electric City Fellowship, I donated two shoe boxes to Operation Christmas Child. Operaction Christmas Child is where people get shoeboxes and fill them with gifts for needy children around the world. I spent about $40 dollars last year, and I went to Target. I only had enough money to buy two.

Well, this year, we are about to start up with OCC again at church, and now since I work at Chick-fil-A, I am planning on saving $100 to make at least 4 shoe boxes. I was gonna buy some clothes for myself, but of course, this is waaaaay more important! 😀

I was talking to a friend today, and she said that she went to the Dollar Store to get stuff to make her shoe boxes. Her and her mom made them a lot.I figured I could go there and get stuff a lot cheaper than it costs at Target, and maybe I can get 7 boxes instead of four! I want to reach as many children as possible to bless them with gifts to show that Jesus loves them, and tell them that he cares about them. This is so important to me. Makes me so glad I started working.

I’m going to stuff each box with necesseties like toothbrushes and soap or deorderant, and then I’ll add a few toys, and then I’ll write a unique letter to each one explaining how much Jesus loves these children. I’ll also put in a picture of Jesus hugging a bunch of children, so they truly feel special. I also want to pray about this, that he truly changes the lives of all these hurting children.

I wish I had a thousand dollars to spend. I love making these gifts. Even if I could only make one, I would be truly happy, because that means I am blessing the life of one child and changing their hearts for the better by telling them about Jesus. Nothing is better than that! To just help one child would truly fill my heart with so much joy.

Everyone should try these! I think I am going to make it my tradition to make these shoebox gifts. 🙂 I love children, and Jesus loves them much more than I do.

It’s by being selfless, spending money and time on others, that really shoes the true character of Jesus. By doing this, the children will feel loved and special and like they are important, even if they live in a rough place and don’t really have homes or the necesseties they need.

By sending these gifts, they learn to see how much Jesus cares for them. Because it’s not my own heart that is giving them these gifts, but rather Jesus’s heart in me. He is the one who actually sends them these gifts. When they realize this, the children will love him all the more.

Doing stuff like this is how you truly change the world for Jesus. Show people how much he cares for them, how he was willing to die for them because he loved us all so much. Be selfless, be courageous. Be willing to put aside a little time and money to advance the gospel. This is how you truly glorify God.

When I make the shoeboxes, I want to pray over each one of them before I send them off. Pray that Jesus truly reaches and touches and heals the hearts of these children. Pray that he gives them the courage to trust in him, despite all the problems and challenges they face. Pray that they may truly be healed by his presence. Pray that he gives them a better life and helps them get all the things that they need. I will pray that he has a close and very personal relationship with him, because they need this even more than they need things like deoderant.

This is because when they die, they will leave the things of this world behind, but their relationship with Christ after they die only continues to grow, and they get richly and eternally blessed in heaven. 🙂

Just to reach and change the heart of one child is my goal. This is what I live for- changing the world for Jesus. I want those children to be thanking Jesus in their hearts after they get their gifts, not thanking me. It’s not my love that heals, it truly is his. It’s truly his message, and I’m just a messanger, an advocate for his gospel of truth and peace. I pray that Jesus saves these children.

But everyone should make these boxes! You can help heal a hurting child. I have to put aside some of the things I want- buying food, clothes, music stuff- for the sake of helping a truly hearting child, helping them in the name of Jesus. How could anyone want anymore than that? I encourage to send at least one box through Operation Christmas Child- or anything like that. Anything that helps spread the message of Christ- anything you can donate to where people can learn about Jesus and get stuff. Just give and pray.

To learn how to donate to Operation Christmas Child, click here.

The Passion of the Christ

I want to see the full movie Passion of the Christ. I love Jesus- I’d love to see how his life was. Have any of you seen it? I was watching clips from it yesterday on youtube. I watched the part where people made him carry his cross, and he was bloody- bloody, but oh so beautiful. He fell on the ground. People would laugh at him. I could feel a little of the pain- see in his eyes that he was so exhausted, the pain was too much to bear, but still he carried it.

In all the mess, he seemed so beautiful. He didn’t say to God, the Father “forget this, this is too much work, this is too hard, too painful”. He did not complain. In his heart, he loved us and was determined to come t hrough for us. He wanted us to be with him in heaven, and chose to suffer to save us. There is no better friend than that.

After seeing that, I cried. It hurt so bad. I see him covered in filth, considered worthless by those about to kill him. But he’s a diamond in the dirt; surrounded by grime and filth, but he himself is a priceless jewel; beautiful inside and out, like no other. Underneath that dirt, I see endless grace, the joy of heaven. The perfect king of the world, humble and obedient ’til death on a cross. I see freedom in life, joy, peace, compassion, mercy, generosity, and hope when I saw him. Bloody and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen or known.

I struggle with my self-esteem, and after this, I refused to insult myself or emotinoally abuse myself- obviously he thought I was worth suffering and dying for; obviously, he saw something beautiful an dpriceless. So I declared I would treat myself as a priceless gem. I won’t insult him and what he did for me on the cross by saing I’m not beautiful and that I’m worthless.

In another clip of Passion of the Christ, Jesus was being whipped, and the person whipping him was laughint at him. What amazes and shocks me is that Christ lived a perfect life- holy, obedient, and so good he was equal to God. People hated him for it. The whipping was hard to watch- to see blood marks slashed into his back, and to watch how with each whipping, he got weaker, and fell to the ground some times. I could see h im screaming inside with every hit.

He suffered this so that we may have hope in a hopeless world. He paid the price for our sin- for our shortcomings and the evil and selfishness in our hearts. He made is possible for us to get to heaven. .Suffering sometimes, in order to remain faithful to God, is a very good and beautiful thing.

At the end of the beating, he fell to the ground, and you could see his blood all over the ground, all over his face and body.

This was the perfect son- not to mention the loving father who gave him to the world anyway. He watched his innocent son suffer and die at the hands of evil men. How could a parent let their child go through that hell? He saw it was the only way to save us, and his love for us allowed him to give his son away.

I will not be selfish and greedy as the world is. I will not forsake God; I will not change. Don’t care if atheists hate it, don’t care how evolutionists feel. Jesus looked pass those who criticized him for our sake, I will look pass the criticism of others for his sake. I will sacrifice myself for his cause, by living a holy and upright life that brings glory and happiness to God. I’ll sacrifice myself for his cause, as he did for me. I will not fall weak and obsess over a tempory world like people of the world do. He got nailed to a cross for us, and therefore I will do the same, out of the same love; I will pick up my cross and follow him.

Carrying Cross, Dying on Cross

Whipping Scene:

Absolutely nothing more painful, and absolutely nothing more beautiful. This is love; the price for our freedom.

Paul’s Hardships

Paul’s Hardships

We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and
opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.” 2 Corinthians 6:3
I love this passage- my very favorite in scripture. I have a lot of favorites, but this has to be the absolute best one. Paul is talking about how he has faith in Christ. Even when it causes him pain, he does not give up. Jesus was in a heck of a lot of pain in life because he loved us, and Paul is picking up his cross, and following Jesus.

He is willing to deal with the hardships. He talks about how he endures trouble and remains strong, even while times get hard. He deals with beatings, being in prison, being attacked. He works hard and goes without sleep and food, and yet during all this, he tries to remain pure and patient and kind.

He continues to show love to everyone, despite his hardships. He still spreads the message about Jesus, regardless of if bad or good things happen because of it. Even when people say bad stuff about him. He is doing God’s good work and sometimes is looked at as being fake. He says he’s dying, but he is living on and trying to stay strong. He’s can get very sad, yet he is always praising God, always being glad in him. He is poor and remains humble, yet he is enriching the lives of many people by preaching God’s word.

Even when he does not have anything in this world, he says he has everything, and it’s true; he has Jesus’s heart, he has the riches in heaven, he is changing people’s lives by telling them of Christ.

Essentially, he’s happy despite all of his crap. He know Jesus loves him and he knows the power of God’s message. He knows it changes hearts and delivers people from evil, it rocks their worlds. So he suffers, tolerating the pain for the sake of the message of Christ. It’s so beautiful! And I love this verse because it shows his true love for Christ. He’s willing to go through anything for him.

And in my life, when I’m sad and I feel criticized for loving God, I still try to spread the Gospel- even when I’m in pain. Even when the world tells me I’m wrong. Even when it seems so hard I could just give up. I remember this passage- and how as Christians, we stand beside Jesus not only in the good times, but in the bad times. We have his love, but Jesus had to suffer so we could have it. And being his children, we are called to pick up our cross, and at times, suffer also. Christ sacrificed himself, and we are called to self-sacrifice.

I look at it like this- when we were young children, we got in a lot of trouble, got on our parents nerves, acted spoiled, did bad things.. and our parents loved us anyway. When we take up money, time, energy, and in return, cause stress and worry for our parents, they don’t stop loving us. They never stop working hard to provide for us.

Christ is the same way. We can be so unfaithful and ignore what he says, act like jerks to him, don’t spend time with him; and at the end of the day, he still loves us. We are called to love him like he loves us. When the child matures and grows older, and the parents of the child grow really old, the child is supposed to help their parents and provide for them, the same way the parents provided for them. It’s all about showing love, intergrity. Being generous.

So I will take up my cross and follow Jesus. I will stand beside him even when it means suffering, I will stand beside him when it means endless joy. The message of Paul’s hardships- it’s about not giving up hope. About being strong, being bold in the face of trouble. It’s about loving Jesus with all your heart. Jesus promises to bless us with everything if we would just take up our cross and follow him.

Tithing, Switchfoot, Songs for Jesus

So I went to Electric City Fellowship for church. Used to go to Newspring but.. I had my own personal issues. Both are good churches. I’m only 18, and I got a job at Chick-fil-A. I’ve been tithing ever since I’ve had the job. One Sunday, I was going to tithe 50 bucks because I hadn’t been in church in awhile and I was saving up my tithes.

I don’t just forget about them. It’s importatnt to Jesus, it’s important to me. But when I pulled out 50 bucks, I was so excited and so happy in my heart and so in love with Jesus, just being at church I gave like 62 bucks and had to keep myself from giving more. I don’t make very much- maybe 200 dollars a month. But I don’t care.

Heck, I’m living to serve God. My heart and soul belong to him, so my money is his money. All I’ve ever wanted to do in life is give back to God in a big way, since he gives to us in a big way. Jesus went up and beyond to save us, giving us everything by saving us from sin when he died on the cross for us.

So I want to go up and beyond for him. Whenever I do the bare minimum for him, I have to go up and beyond. He gives so much, so I refuse to be selfish in any and every way possible. I wish I was rich just to give away my money for him. Doing whatever he asked me to do with it, to change the world.

But ECF moves me. I love this church. Love the community. Good luck, Jonathan. 😀 I give my money to ECF because it’s a much smaller church and they don’t even have a building anymore. They could really use it. Newspring has thousands of members and they have a ton of money, and have all the equipment and everything they could need. I just want to give to who needs it more despirately.

The song I wrote to God, “Mile After Mile”, I finally wrote the music to it. And I sing it to God.I learned an awesome Switchfoot song called “Let that Be Enough.”

It’s so easy to play on guitar, and it’s about faith in God. I sing that to God also.

I’m writing Jesus another song on guitar. I have the lyrics, and I’m working on the music. I also wrote him 2 songs on the keyboard. One called “The Candle’s Flame”, the other called “Reaching Towards the Sky”.

This is why I want to be a rockstar! Lol I’ve always wanted to sing for God. Hopefully, when I’m really good at singing/playing the songs, I’ll post them on youtube and motivate more people to pay attention to God. 😀 He’s amazing!

Lyrics for “The Candle’s Flame”:

He asked me to sing
My song to him
It makes him happy
The melody
Pours out of me
Rushing out like
Frenzied waterfalls
Singing to his heart is
No problem at all

The candle’s flame
Flickers forever
In my heart
But without faith
Everything sits in an
Eerie dark
His love ignites me
And creats the candles spark
Which creates my faith
Which is the candle’s flame

Love is doing things selflessly
For those you care about
And those who love want to be loved
And I know, I know
That he loves everyone
So we should put him above
Everything else in this life
I feel him around me, I dance in his light

The candle’s flame
Flickers forever
In my heart
But without faith
Everything sits in an
Eerie dark
His love ignites me
And creates the candles spark
Which creates my faith
Which is the candle’s flame

Dancing forever here
Following Christ
His road is the only one
That leads to life
I’m taking this road
I’m strong than this world
In my soul
He paved the way to freedom
Paved it gold

The caterpillar in me
Ready for transformation
A butterfly to be free
Free in spirit, free in this life
Free for all eternity

I’ll post the other song later. 😛

New Church, Poem-Skeletal Heart, Purity Ring

Instead of going to NewSpring like I used to, lately I’ve been going to this church at my highschool called Electric City Fellowship. It’s a lot smaller than NewSpring and has probably a little over a hundred people, as opposed to thousands at NS. Surprisingly, when I go to ECF, I feel a lot more connected to people and a lot more a part of the community, and I’ve only been there a handful of times.

 Newspring never made me feel close to as good as I feel at my new church. However, other people would say NewSpring is the best church they’ve ever been to.

So I realized that different churches are right for different people. With how large NS is, I felt like I was pressured to like it because so many other people do. It’s a good church, it just didn’t help me grow as much spiritually as ECF does.

I feel like it is perfect for my heart because I feel more like I belong and I feel more close to Jesus and over all happier. So no one church is right for every person. That’s why there are so many different styles of churches.

I think a person finds the ‘right’ church for them when they feel that they are really growing spiritually.

So I’m hoping to go to ECF this sunday. I have this envelope in my purse where I put the money I’m going to tithe, and I make sure I don’t use it for anything else. Tithing is so important to me because I want to make sure I’m not selfish.

 Ever since I started my first job, which is at Chick-fil-A, I’ve made sure to tithe 10% of what I make, because I want God to know that I’m not going to be selfish with my money- I’m going to let Him do whatever He wants to with it.

If I stopped tithing, I would feel like that money belongs to me instead of belonging to God. Since He asks for 10% I give it to show how much I love Him. To show that I’m willing to give Him all of my heart- which includes trusting Him with my money.

Tithing not only helps the church, it shows that you are committed to Jesus and willing to do what He asks; it’s a tangible way to show that you love Him. And I do! 🙂

This is a religious poem I wrote. I write so many of them, lol:

Skeletal Heart

Have you ever woken up
Lost inside yourself
Hoping to find
A way to a place
That would make you feel
Like life is worth living

Have you ever
Sat in a church with your friends
When someone says
“If this building falls
And kills us all
It’s okay because we’re all saved”
And felt afraid
Because you aren’t sure if you
Would make it to heaven anyway

Have you ever found yourself roaming
In place you didn’t belong
Or felt yourself running from something
All life long

In this place
Where life lasts only an instant
And then is gone
I close my eyes
And push these thoughts away

These aren’t the things
I want to remember
When I reminisce about life
Because what is life if you’re not living
All this time

Seeing through my skeletal eyes
Analyzing with my dead mind
Is it too late
Are these all the memories
I’ll ever see

Skeleton with a beating heart
Lying in the debris
If there is something better than this
Scratch open my eyes
To make me see
Send me a feeling
Bring me back to life
Give me my precious skin again
Make me a real girl
Where I can begin again
And I can know what it means
To be worth something

I’ll find a new place in this life
Where Jesus is not just a thought
But is a new way of living
Isn’t it interesting
That the dead can be brought back to life
How my deadness can be brought back to life
And how I can see through
Lively eyes


My heart has been broken a lot lately. I tend to tear up once during the day, just because I get so sad. It’s because of boys/relationship problems that I have. The other day, I bought myself a silver purity ring, because Jesus wanted me to.

That night, I made the promise not to have sex until I am married. I feel fully committed to this promise. It won’t be easy, but deep down I really do plan on achieving this. I prayed for God’s help that I can do it. I’ll have to try to stay away from things that will tempt me to have sex.

I think it’s a really special thing you can do to show your love to God and your husband- I’m sure he’ll appreciate you waiting on him! And Jesus will appreciate you listening to Him, even when it’s difficult to.

Talk About Giving!

Have you ever been asked to give up something, and what you were asked to give up was just too much to give up?

My mom was talking about donating some clothes to Goodwill, and I started thinking about how many clothes I have just lying around, clothes I don’t even wear. I figured it would be a pretty good idea to give some of them away to someone in need.

And giving generally makes me feel happy. As I was going through my clothes, there were some that were pretty easy to give away. There were some that I kinda liked still, but I was giving those away, too. But the more clothes I went through, the harder it was for me to give those away.

For example, I had this speech and debate shirt that said “Hope 4 Haiti” on the front of it. Every time I look at the shirt, I think of my debate class and how difficult it was to get in front of the whole class, overwhelmed with nerves, and debate people over and over again. Each time I debated, it felt like a true accomplishment.

So when I look at the shirt, I love it because I think of the hard work I put into the class, and it means something to me. But I initially decided I was definitely keeping the shirt because of its meaning, and when I was going to put it back in the drawer, I felt God not letting me do so.

Then I thought immediately of Jesus. God the Father gives away his son for the world. It shocked me that I was having such a hard time giving up a shirt, when He freely gave us His Son, purely out of love.

I thought “how do you know you’re going to let your son die- who has done absolutely nothing wrong, ever- and know that he will be abused and beaten and hurt, and are still willing to do it?” I know why- it’s because the Father loved us so much and He wanted us to be free. He wanted to be able to spend time with us. So He gave up His precious child for us.

You can guess that that made me give away that debate shirt. I figured if God can do that for us- I can give away a silly shirt for someone who may really need it. I worked hard for the shirt- Jesus worked hard and was perfect. And He still had to pay the price. Amazing!

There were other shirts I paid for myself, shirts I could still wear and still really liked. I gave some of those away, and it was so hard to because they were perfectly good, useful shirts. But Jesus was perfectly good.

He made no excuses and accepted death, so I made no excuses and gave more stuff away. I was trying to remind myself that God loves us so much more than we could ever truly understand. He gives so much more freely than we ever could, He’s so gracious.

Even Jesus didn’t want to feel pain, but it didn’t change His mind. This is why He is truly my best friend. I love the Son because He chose to be humble, and the Father because He opened His heart first. He knew what his son would suffer through before he sent him into the world, and only love can be the reason for that.

In ways like these, God always blows my mind!!! Don’t ever say that something is ever ‘too much’ to give away.

A poem I wrote, relates to this thingy above:

What is Love

Drifting above a broken land
We messed everything up
And He needs a new plan

What is love
If it’s not taking
What you cherish most
And giving it to someone in need
What is love
If it’s not giving
Away your everything
To someone hurting and empty

Perfection loves
Billions of imperfect people
And His whole heart
Loves our broken hearts

Could you imagine
He’d break His own heart
To watch our hearts heal
Put Himself in pain
So we’d feel a love so real
The heartbeat of His Son
Is bigger than all lives
Living after He died
Wonderful Jesus Christ

What is love
If it isn’t
Helping the helpless
Lighting up hope in the hopeless
By being selfless
What is love
If it isn’t
Being the first to give
If it isn’t
Being gracious enough to die
To let us live