Sometimes, I feel afraid to live out my dreams. Everyone in this world that you run into, has an effect on you, whether you realize it or not. The people I am surrounded by make me feel so small, like I don’t even matter. I’ve always felt sincerely inadequate at some time in my life.
Loving God gives me purpose in life, but it doesn’t eliminate my feeling of alienation and inadequacy. I am trying to learn to be careful. This world can be very heartless and it will be quick to try to shut you up when you start talking about dreams.
People, left and right, will make you feel like your dreams and life are stupid because of what you want to do. I feel terrified everyday because I want to be on stage, playing music, worshipping God. Like a rockstar but I don’t have to be famous at all. I simply want to be on stage, worshipping God through the music I write.
People will tell me I can’t make money from that, or tell me I need a real job, but that’s what I want to do. Then later in life, when I’m a lot older, I feel called to preach. I am sure when I start really pursuing that, people will make me feel like my dreams are stupid at some point.
It also depends on who you surround yourself with. If you have loving, supportive friends, they will tell you to go on with your dreams. But there always seems to be some ‘realist’ who claims these dreams are unrealistic and unattainable.
I have sat in classrooms year after year trying to wrap my head around my dreams. I no doubt feel God nudging me in this direction, which is always important in deciding your goals in life.
But I feel so terrified sometimes that I try to imagine myself doing anything else: teaching in a school, working at a desk job, being a waitress, a nurse, fireman, vet, chef, anything else. But year after year, I turn back to music. Nothing else feels right besides singing and worshipping God right now. When I write music, I feel my happiest. There isn’t anything more satisfying than finishing a song and singing to Jesus.
Other people may act like writing music is so difficult, but it has always come so naturally to me. I hear rhythms and melodies in my head, I hear guitars playing, and I write them down. Poetic verses flow out effortlessly, and then I pick up my guitar and start creating music.
It’s healing for my soul, it’s freedom from this box called my life. I just want to scream how happy it makes me. Music and God, God and music. I write songs left and write, post them on YouTube, desperately try to find somewhere to play or a band to play with.
I say all of that to say this. In life, God will definitely call us to do certain things. They are not always what we expect. One time, when my mom was younger, she heard God told her that she was supposed to work with children, and she was like, “Ugh, I hate children!” I hope she doesn’t still feel the same way, seeing how I am… her child. I am guessing she was pretty young at the time, like me. But sometimes, God calls us to do things that we are naturally gifted at, like music, for me.
The point is, in this crazy mixed-up life, he will call us to do things that we love and things that we don’t really care for. But he has a reason for wanting us to do those things. Most of the time, we don’t understand why he wants what he want for us, at least not at the time. Over time, if we trust him and do what he asks us to do, it will be revealed to us. He will teach you things you never knew before, show you how to look at life from a different from perspective.
I have a friend named Meg who was working on pursuing architecture in school. But she felt God was wanting her to do something in English, instead. She told me that at first it was really odd, but the more she looked into it, the more she realized it made sense and how English was for her. If she just ignored his voice, she could have missed out on something fabulous. It’s interesting how people will resist God over and over and when they finally decide to listen to him, he *gasp* actually knew what he was talking about! Imagine that. 😀
I find it shocking that after my mom rejected her calling so many years ago, even today, she will sometimes talk about the idea of children’s books. She always wants me to pursue that because of my artistic skills, but she may have actually been writing those books her self if she would have listened.
The point is, when we listen to God, it feels like a huge risk, but it is the greatest investment you can ever make. I am learning in my walk with Christ that trust is so vital. He will take us to new levels and give us new and better understanding. He will help us live our lives to the fullest if we would only trust and obey him. We’ve got to stop making doing what we want the number one priority, and start making what he wants us to do number one.
He can make us happier than we can make ourselves. He created us, and understands us through and through; our every mechanism, our every heart beat, our every thought and our every feeling. He understands why we do everything that we do, better than we do. So why not trust him? We may only see one path on this map of our life, but he sees all the paths. And guess what? I can assure you that he knows how to get to every destination along the way.
At the end of the day, we cannot be bullied out of his plans for us by what the world says. They will say we are wrong, we are inadequate, and make us feel like failures if we let them. If we hold tight to Jesus and continue to have faith, we will see the beautiful reality of all his plans for us. The world wants to try to take that away from you. We cannot let our own arrogance or the arrogance of others get the best of us.
God is waiting for you to trust him.