Posts Tagged ‘Art work’

Poetry book, picture for chapter ‘My Regenerative Heart’

I have always wanted to write a book of poetry, and I am currently working on one. It was originally just going to be various poems that I wrote, about whatever I felt like. But life became more challenging and unbearable to live, and my poetry got crazier. I got to the point where I was completely desperate, and I finally just trusted God with my life instead of myself. So the poems will start off with all the bad stuff, and then reveal my radical transformation through living for Christ.

I kept trying to think of what the name of it might be, but I think I will just name it ‘Atypical Jesus’. This is because it does talk about him being atypical and different from the normal, and all the effects he has had on my life. It’s already the name of the blog, and since it already has some steam behind it, I will keep using it. No point in really starting over, I guess I am coining the term, lol.

‘Regenerative Heart’ is the title of a chapter. This chapter talks about the new way I look at the world, and how God has had a major effect on my beliefs. I look at marriage/relationships differently, money/jobs differently, friendships differently, priorities differently, etc. Jesus gives me my regenerative heart, which means like new life, basically.

I drew this picture on neondragonart.com. It took about 7 hours (not all in one sitting, though!). This is not the cover of the book, but just the picture for a chapter in the book. The cover will be insanely awesome.

I love being able to write stories and draw, and be able to incorporate the two. :3

Copyright Jennifer Clayton

I lovelovelove running hard after God, doing the best I can to share him with the world. He is my best friend, my Lord, my Saviour.

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Jesus Is A Bridge

I drew this picture on neondragonart.com.

Took about 8 hours. (Click pic. for actual size! :))

This picture rings so true in my heart. Mankind is on 1 side of the world. God is on the other side of the world. We could never reach God because of our sinful nature:

“There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:23-24

Without Jesus, we would have to be perfect to get into heaven. But because Jesus was perfect and sacrificed himself to take on our sins and free us from them by paying for them by death on the cross, the broken connection between God and mankind is now fixed. His strength and love and mercy allowed us to have a relationship with the Father, allows us to get into heaven.

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.'” John 14:6-7

Jesus was perfect where we couldn’t be perfect, and he was perfect for us. God is too glorious for us to reach alone, but because Jesus was just as his father, he bridged the gap, healed the broken family. Wow.

So while we might try to do many different things to get into heaven, for example, go to church, pray, not curse, not gossip, give money to those in need- none of these things will get us into heaven. Because when we sin, we are out of reach of heaven. The bad thing is that we sin everyday, all the time. It’s very natural for us. The good thing is that we are saved by having faith in Jesus Christ, having faith that he saved us from our sins and died on the cross from them and rose 3 days later.

We are saved as we allow him to lead us in our lives instead of letting ourselves lead. Just having faith in a general ‘God’ will not get us into heaven. It’s having faith in Christ. Jesus was our only chance, and he did not let us down. Now we have to choose to take a leap of faith and take that chance.

We are saved not only from hell, but from the bondage of this world, saved from being trapped in sin. After we accept Christ into our hearts, we are no longer slaves to sin, but slaves to righteousness. We no longer belong to the world, we belong to Christ.

“We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.” 1 John 5:19

Ever since being redeemed by Jesus, I have felt a sense of peace and an everlasting eternal freedom.

Freedom to grow, love, be strong, survive, thrive, be happy, have hope.. my whole spirit was reborn. Where before, I always felt way too inhibited to do those things, trusting in Christ and trusting in God helped me to have that freedom in my heart again. It gave me freedom to stand against the crap in the world and feel awesome doing it.

I hated feeling alone all the time. I hate that even my best days, when I belonged to the world, even those days really sucked. I love the fact that with Christ, the worse days I’ve ever had with him are better than the best days I’ve ever had in the world.

I have literally cried over and over and had my heart broken and stumped on and been mad at Jesus and been in so much pain- and it does not come close to the pain I had when I was in the world, even when I was doing my best there. It’s so insane! Why would anyone not want to have this strength? It’s awesome that this strength is not even my own strength, but Christ in me.

I used to write so much poetry to ‘make my heart heal’, but it never worked. My heart only broke even more. I remember I thought I was gonna die and felt like I was gonna go insane before I trusted God. I’d sit at the computer and not be able to really write, because there were so many thougts that I just could not freakin’ keep up with! That was my strength alone- to try constantly to succeed at making me feel better and only fail. That’s where I died; in that room, on the computer, fighting to getting the words out, loosing an eternally impossible battle. Trusting God- that’s where his life started in me.

So the heart I have now is does not contain the desires that I want, but rather contains the desires that God wants: to reach the world, to save all the broken people, to let them know there is strength more than they could ever know; to let them know there is strength and so much mercy that they could have peace, no matter how horrible their circumstances are. Jesus is funny like that, awesome like that.

You could be beaten half to death and still feel a sense of peace in your heart, because no matter what people try to do to you in this world, he gives you freedom from them, because you belong to him when you trust him. I’ve gone through so much agony in Christ, and felt this endless fountain of love and hope and strength.

Following Christ is not easy, but it has always been easier for me to do this than to wrack my brains out trying to write poetry to heal myself and what not.

I never say “I want to be famous because I am awesome,” or, “this life is all about me, me, me”. Because that selfish little “me, me, me” heart died at that computer screen. The reason why I am so eager to please the Holy Spirit and obey him is because I gave up myself that night, when I realized I was going to die if I trusted in my strength.

I don’t mind tithing my money to church, or devoting time and money into relationships that help tell people about Christ. Because Christ is the true answer to all the hell in this world. There was a kid that accepted Christ once, and his dad was into sorcery and what not, and he tried to beat Jesus out of his son.

He beat him from his head to his feet. He kicked him out the house and said he was dead to him, because he loved Jesus suddenly. But the kid didn’t even care. He had that fountain of strength in Jesus, his friends said that they saw peace in his eyes, despite what had happened to him.

So I’ve learned that even kids in the most difficult circumstances- whether in poverty or having a tough time with family- if they have that true hope that Christ rescued them from sin by dying for them on the cross, they gain that fountain of strength, and can endure the craziest of circumstances!

This is how even the people in the most disasterous of situation can survive in their heart and spirit, where they couldn’t survive in this world. Paul the Apostle new what it was like to love Jesus, be treated like crap for it, and completely be able to handle it, for he said:

“Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.” 2 Corinthians 6:4-10

“Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked.” 2 Corinthians 11:23-27

This shows that Paul the Apostle suffered so severely for Christ, but he had strength to endure it. Who else has the strength to go through so much pain and tolerate it, no matter what? He has the strength of Christ in him. That boy who got beaten by his father has that strength. Me, even with all my bad days, feeling better than I’ve ever felt before… I have the strength of Christ in me.

This bridge from this world to the next. Faith in Christ. Freakin’ awesome. Are you ready to devote your life to him? The bible says:

“That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” Romans 10:8-10

Pray in your heart: “Jesus, come into my life, take over, be my Lord. Lead me, show me how to live for you. I know you paid for my sins on the cross. Be my king”

As long as you truly mean that when you pray it, you will be saved. How many of you have already made this decision? Let me know! 🙂

God bless, xox, Jennifer Clayton

Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces

“Find Beauty in Negative Spaces” is a CD by the band Seether. I actually have this CD. But I am using the name to show how Jesus “finds beauty in negative spaces” when it comes to us.

God can make me feel so beautiful at any given moment. Even in the midst of a horrible day, where I just wanna cry and go to sleep. Even when someone is a total jerk to me and makes me feel useless. Even when I feel unloved, and like I’m in desperate need of someone to make me feel special.

I get so vulnerable, but he always covers up the pain with peace. I like to block out the world from time to time and only think about him. Many people don’t know this, but he truly can heal like no one else can heal. All I really had to do was put more and more trust in him, and the more I trust him, the more I feel him taking care of me.

 

I drew this picture of a girl. I didn’t sit there and think “I’m going to draw a girl in a white dress, blood, wings” I simply thought, “let me draw out the worse pain I feel in my heart at this moment”

And this is what came out. I was just drawing until I felt better. And I feel a million times better. I am so fascinated that in all the pain I’m in, that makes me want to cry, I can find such great beauty in a work like this. My heart feels so liberated. x3

But I know this is the work of God. Whenever I feel pain, I never let it keep me down becasue I simply know this: Christ is bigger than this, stronger than this. He said “I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble. But be brave! I have defeated the world!” John 16:33 ERVSo he has already overcome the world, he has already faced all my demons for me and won all my battles.

Basically, with Jesus, he helps make everything ugly that I feel seem more beautiful. Any time I feel worthless, he lets me feel love. It spreads through all of my heart and he shows me the beauty in me. For example, I might think my face, my body, my personality, and my life is ugly and stupid. So metaphorically, I look at my heart and see a bunch of ‘dirt’. A bunch of ugliness. Jesus says I am beautiful throughout, and so he finds my ‘diamonds in the dirt’. He takes anything I think is ugly and makes me see that it’s beautiful.

Girls shouldn’t let boys abuse them. And really, no one should let anyone abuse them. Friends shouldn’t let friends abuse them- and a real friend won’t abuse you. When you let people abuse you, a lot of times, you gain a sense of worthlessness. It feels very real and very much like the sky in your world is black- that you are not important. But it’s not true!!! These people look at themselves and only see dirt; they see themselves as not important or beautiful. However, Christ looks at them and always sees diamonds in the dirt, he always see beautiful things that are hidden to us. Don’t let people get in your heads or your heart and let them cut you down, telling you you are nobody.

Christ always thinks you are somebody. Someone to be loved and cherished and made to feel special. He is our father, and he sees his daughters as priceless and more beautiful than diamonds and more valuable than gold. He loves us and wants us to have good influences in our lives- good parents, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends. Christ thinks his sons are handsome and priceless, also.

Why should we settle for less? Do we deserve to feel less than we are, that we are just dirt, containing no diamonds? Heck no!!

I struggle with emotional abuse. No one physically hurts me, but people will tell me I’m not worht anything. In the back of my mind, I know I am incredibly valuable, but it doesn’t mean that insults don’t hurt. I was talking with my friend, and we both agreed that we can’t handle a bunch of meanness from total strangers- when people only know one thing about us, and based off that, they judge us and call us bad people for one little thing we do.

Some people truly make you feel like you could die. But Jesus wants to wrap up us in so much love that we never feel such pain again. We are important to him. He doesn’t see a moron who can’t do anything right, someone who is totally useless or someone who doesn’t deserve to be alive.

He sees us as his precious, priceless, hurting children that he wants to heal. He sees the tears we cry; he wants to wipe those tears. He sees the battles we fight; he says call on him for help and we will learn that he has already fought and won these battles for us. He sees that we grow weak; we have strength in him. He is an unfaltering love, an unending hope, like eternal sunlight.

I pray that he shields us when we get abused and torn down. He sees we should have security and peace in him because there are so many people who will hate us in this world and he wants nothing more than to protect us from that. Sometimes I see images of people hitting me, yelling at me, cutting me open, because they abuse me so much. Sometimes, I see boys making me feel ugly and ripping off my wedding dress because I feel like I don’t deserve to be married. But none of this is true!!

The same way parents look at their newborn baby as beautiful and breathtaking, heart breaking, wonderful, Jesus looks at his children (US!) the same way. Except he sees infinite more beauty than we could ever see in a baby. He loves us much, much more than we could ever love ourselves.

Jeus died for us on the cross because even though we can be sinful, cold, cruel, selfish people, he sees past all that and sees the beauty in us. He loves us and is always “finding beauty in negative spaces”.

The picture I drew was about all the raw ugliness and grossness I feel, how I felt being treated like shit. But despite showing all the ugliness I feel, one can see the beauty in my heart because of how beautiful the piece of art turned out. It was about disaster but was breath taking and heartbreakingly beautiful. We see the ugliness and he sees the beauty. I know my self-esteem may suffer because of people, but I have learned to differentiate what is true and what’s fake. His love his true and cruelty from bullies is fake; don’t believe them.

This is why he is the best friend I’ve ever known. He knows howo to heal me, how to love me, how to help me “find beauty in negative spaces”. A genuine and heartfelt friend can always see beauty in you, even when we fail to see it in ourselves. Christ is a great friend. Trust in his compassionate and loyal heart.