Posts Tagged ‘Jesus loves you’

Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces

“Find Beauty in Negative Spaces” is a CD by the band Seether. I actually have this CD. But I am using the name to show how Jesus “finds beauty in negative spaces” when it comes to us.

God can make me feel so beautiful at any given moment. Even in the midst of a horrible day, where I just wanna cry and go to sleep. Even when someone is a total jerk to me and makes me feel useless. Even when I feel unloved, and like I’m in desperate need of someone to make me feel special.

I get so vulnerable, but he always covers up the pain with peace. I like to block out the world from time to time and only think about him. Many people don’t know this, but he truly can heal like no one else can heal. All I really had to do was put more and more trust in him, and the more I trust him, the more I feel him taking care of me.

 

I drew this picture of a girl. I didn’t sit there and think “I’m going to draw a girl in a white dress, blood, wings” I simply thought, “let me draw out the worse pain I feel in my heart at this moment”

And this is what came out. I was just drawing until I felt better. And I feel a million times better. I am so fascinated that in all the pain I’m in, that makes me want to cry, I can find such great beauty in a work like this. My heart feels so liberated. x3

But I know this is the work of God. Whenever I feel pain, I never let it keep me down becasue I simply know this: Christ is bigger than this, stronger than this. He said “I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble. But be brave! I have defeated the world!” John 16:33 ERVSo he has already overcome the world, he has already faced all my demons for me and won all my battles.

Basically, with Jesus, he helps make everything ugly that I feel seem more beautiful. Any time I feel worthless, he lets me feel love. It spreads through all of my heart and he shows me the beauty in me. For example, I might think my face, my body, my personality, and my life is ugly and stupid. So metaphorically, I look at my heart and see a bunch of ‘dirt’. A bunch of ugliness. Jesus says I am beautiful throughout, and so he finds my ‘diamonds in the dirt’. He takes anything I think is ugly and makes me see that it’s beautiful.

Girls shouldn’t let boys abuse them. And really, no one should let anyone abuse them. Friends shouldn’t let friends abuse them- and a real friend won’t abuse you. When you let people abuse you, a lot of times, you gain a sense of worthlessness. It feels very real and very much like the sky in your world is black- that you are not important. But it’s not true!!! These people look at themselves and only see dirt; they see themselves as not important or beautiful. However, Christ looks at them and always sees diamonds in the dirt, he always see beautiful things that are hidden to us. Don’t let people get in your heads or your heart and let them cut you down, telling you you are nobody.

Christ always thinks you are somebody. Someone to be loved and cherished and made to feel special. He is our father, and he sees his daughters as priceless and more beautiful than diamonds and more valuable than gold. He loves us and wants us to have good influences in our lives- good parents, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends. Christ thinks his sons are handsome and priceless, also.

Why should we settle for less? Do we deserve to feel less than we are, that we are just dirt, containing no diamonds? Heck no!!

I struggle with emotional abuse. No one physically hurts me, but people will tell me I’m not worht anything. In the back of my mind, I know I am incredibly valuable, but it doesn’t mean that insults don’t hurt. I was talking with my friend, and we both agreed that we can’t handle a bunch of meanness from total strangers- when people only know one thing about us, and based off that, they judge us and call us bad people for one little thing we do.

Some people truly make you feel like you could die. But Jesus wants to wrap up us in so much love that we never feel such pain again. We are important to him. He doesn’t see a moron who can’t do anything right, someone who is totally useless or someone who doesn’t deserve to be alive.

He sees us as his precious, priceless, hurting children that he wants to heal. He sees the tears we cry; he wants to wipe those tears. He sees the battles we fight; he says call on him for help and we will learn that he has already fought and won these battles for us. He sees that we grow weak; we have strength in him. He is an unfaltering love, an unending hope, like eternal sunlight.

I pray that he shields us when we get abused and torn down. He sees we should have security and peace in him because there are so many people who will hate us in this world and he wants nothing more than to protect us from that. Sometimes I see images of people hitting me, yelling at me, cutting me open, because they abuse me so much. Sometimes, I see boys making me feel ugly and ripping off my wedding dress because I feel like I don’t deserve to be married. But none of this is true!!

The same way parents look at their newborn baby as beautiful and breathtaking, heart breaking, wonderful, Jesus looks at his children (US!) the same way. Except he sees infinite more beauty than we could ever see in a baby. He loves us much, much more than we could ever love ourselves.

Jeus died for us on the cross because even though we can be sinful, cold, cruel, selfish people, he sees past all that and sees the beauty in us. He loves us and is always “finding beauty in negative spaces”.

The picture I drew was about all the raw ugliness and grossness I feel, how I felt being treated like shit. But despite showing all the ugliness I feel, one can see the beauty in my heart because of how beautiful the piece of art turned out. It was about disaster but was breath taking and heartbreakingly beautiful. We see the ugliness and he sees the beauty. I know my self-esteem may suffer because of people, but I have learned to differentiate what is true and what’s fake. His love his true and cruelty from bullies is fake; don’t believe them.

This is why he is the best friend I’ve ever known. He knows howo to heal me, how to love me, how to help me “find beauty in negative spaces”. A genuine and heartfelt friend can always see beauty in you, even when we fail to see it in ourselves. Christ is a great friend. Trust in his compassionate and loyal heart.

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*Poetry Corner- I Won’t Apologize

When people say I’m a weirdo for believing in Jesus, I look at them like they are stupid. I feel like this: Why on earth will I give up on a love that has made me feel completely whole? If I listen to their ridiculous opinions, I will loose the greatest love I’ve ever known, the most freedom in joy I have ever felt, and this is what I have to say about that:

I Won’t Apologize

I don’t care who laughs at me for loving Jesus
Who mocks me for believing in “fairy tales”
But I won’t apologize for committing my life
To something that rescued me from the hell
I once lived in every day, on my own
Standing on the edge of everything I’ve known
About to fall over into the sketchy blackness
Through the power of his love
I could feel him pull me back

I won’t EVER apologize
For allowing my heart to heal,
For the very first time in my life
I won’t apologize
For going from a passive life
To an active one
Where I can achieve my dreams
By any means

Why the hell should I be sorry
For being happy, being complete
Learning what it’s like to be a whole person
For the very first time
In an ocean of worry,
I use to sink to the bottom to drown
But by trusting Christ
Look at the love I’ve found
Condemned to be free
Learning to breathe
Learning to breathe

White-hot passion fills my bones
Commitment to the realest love I’ve ever known
Walking in his footsteps
I won’t dare to fall back
Into a world that gave up on me
I will follow in his footsteps
And try to reach
The broken heart
The hurting child, the outcast,
The left-out
The down-trodden, the left-behind,
The forgotten about
I will reach the hearts that
Never before
Have been reached, all this time
I’ll show them that he loves their abandoned hearts
I know this his true,
Because he has loved mine

—————

So when people say you are a freak for loving Christ, let them call you a freak. Is it so freaky to want to feel fulfilled in your life, to feel loved by someone who is looking out for you? So freaking to grow past the fears and worries and anxieties of the world, because you have peace in Christ? Is it so weird to feel more incredible than you ever have before? If people say it is, refuse to apologize!! 🙂 Don’t give them what they want. Love you all~

-Jennifer Clayton