Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Relationship Trouble vs. Christ

LOL I’m not going to lie. I am not a perfect person (What- you thought I was!?!) I have flaws. I am often so reluctant to reveal my weaknesses because I feel people will judge me or misunderstand me. I fear people will get really mad at me or blame me or call me names. But I will humble myself. God uses our weaknesses for his glory, because in whatever area in our life we are weak, we find strength in him:

“But he [the Lord] said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

God likes this because then we are more forced to depend on him when we are weak. So I will give God the glory in my constant weakness. Here is one of them: romantic relationships are the death of me. Like boyfriends and girlfriends, marrage, etc. I spend so much time alone and I feel the constant need for this sort of companionsship. I see babies and moms together and I get sad. I see Lacey Mosley and her husband and my heart breaks. I wince at the thought of weddings because I am lonely. It’s not that I’m afraid to pursue a relationship, it’s just that I feel God calling me in a different direction now.

I’m not entirely sure where, I’m not entirely sure what to do. But in ways, I feel like I just shouldn’t go after a relaitonship now. And I get angry at God because he does not want me to be like everyone else. I want to be in love, and I feel like I am watching half of my life just pass me by. I scream at him and constantly want to push away from him- it’s not pretty, but it’s true.

At the same time, I’m not willing to compromise our entire relationship because my feelings are really hurt. If he did that to us, every time we really hurt his feelings, I gurarantee he would dump us every day. So it’s not fair I do this to him. What do I do, then?

First, I pray that he will give me peace. I pray that even while in pain, he will comfort my heart and give me the strength to not be angry. The bible says:

“My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants.”James 1:19-20

“Don’t get angry. Don’t be upset; it only leads to trouble.” Psalm 37:8

I know the above quotes are true because when I get angry and find myself yelling at God over and over, I stop and think about it. After doing it multiple times, I never feel any better.I feel like it’s worthless and stupid to yell. I only feel more anger and no peace. I feel like my heart is gross for ever doing such a thing. Who am I to yell at God? The point is that anger only leads me to be more angry. God is consistantly opening my eyes to show me that being peaceful leadsd to more peace.

It’s true for everything in life. For example, I work at Chick-fil-A and I get paid every 2 weeks. I want clothes and shoes and guitars and art supplies and books, etc. But mostly, I deny myself of these things. Being completely selfish and only indulging in pleasing myself with all of my money would be completely selfish. No one else would benefit from it. Then I would start to be like this in all areas of my life- selfish of my time and engery, only wanting to please me.

But I do the opposite with my money- titheing more than 10%, making gifts for kids and sending them around the world, knowing they will come to know about the love of Christ in the process, I’m donating to charities that also spead the Gospel, buying things that will help me spend more time with Jesus. And this is because I am loving others like Christ loved me. He loved me and rescued my sould and life from destruction, and took away my pain.

The love was very real, and I am dedicated to making that love real to others. When they recieve the gifts, they will also feel loved because of Chirst, and then tell others about the love. So this is proof that love causes more love, selflessness and compassion beget selflessness and compassion. Anger begets anger. So I am trying to be peaceful with the Lord in my time of sorrow with relationships, and hopefully he will be peaceful with me.

I try to remember Jesus has awesome plans for me- more awesome than I could ever imagine! He has caused everything else in my life to look up- so why not believe that he will take care of me when it comes to relationships? I am defusing my bomb of anger and am ever-seeking peace in the Lord.

“Wait for the Lord’s help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord’s help.” Psalm 27:14

“So our hope is in the Lord. He is our help, our shield to protect us.” Psalm 33:20

“But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired.” Isaiah 40:31

“All living things look to you for food, and you give it to them at the right time.You open your hand, and you satisfy all living things.” Psalm 145:15-16

“I wait for the Lord to help me, and I trust his word.” Psalm 130:5

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Reading the Bible, Emotions, Samaritan’s Purse

I am journeying through the bible- this is my 2nd time. I read the whole bible and finished a little over a month ago, and now I am reading through again. I would like to challenge myself to start memorizing scripture, so whenever my heart needs help from the Lord, all I have to do is remember verses and phrases that help inspire me.

Normally, when I feel bad, I have to go look up verses, but now I can write the words on my heart:

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” – Deuteronomy 6:6-9

I am putting the words of God in my heart, so I remember then wherever I go. They will be with me when I rise in the morning and when I lie down, whenever I am in pain and whenever I feel peace. Always, they will be with me.

This time as I am reading the bible, I am trying to watch the scenes unfold in my head, like seeing Jacob and his family making their way to Egypt to live there and be with Joseph. I am trying to feel real people and real sitautions and real feelings. The more the word comes alive in my mind and heart, the better I understand it and the more I trust in it.

I am struggling with crying a lot and with eating. I am praying that God will free me from the loneliness in my life and asking him to be the man in my life by leading me and guiding me and loving me. I don’t want to feel so dependent on romantic relationships, so I am trying to channel that pain into something beautiful, by spending more time with Jesus on the daily basis.

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-33, 35

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

“Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” Isaiah 54:10

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

I am working on my ever-present feelings of loneliness. I don’t want to cry when I see happy couples, I want to feel strong and grounded. Faithful and secure in the promise of Christ, not weak and weary with desire.

I have also had this problem with eating. I don’t want to eat breakfast or lunch… I have to force msyelf to eat. I could eat two small things and be good for the rest of the day, and then wake up the next day, not eat breakfast, and have to force myself to eat lunch. My body just does not crave food. I desperately hope the Lord will help me fix this, because I don’t want to accidently starve myself.

I know good and well my body needs nutrition, regardless of if I feel hungry or not. 😦

Anyhoo, tomorrow, when I get paid, I am going to start donating some of the $100 I said I would spend on Samaritan’s Purse donations. It feels so good to help introduce the name and poweful mercy of Jesus Christ to so many hurting people. I could never give enough money for this cause!!! 🙂

Click here to Accept Christ!

xoxox Jennifer Clayton