In my walk with God, I’m trying to let go of having to be noticed, having to be the most popular, having to be the most successful by the standards of the world.
I need to let go and…
-Stop worrying about not being popular for being me. It doesn’t matter if people know the name ‘Jennifer Clayton’ or not. While I am trying to be an influence in the world, sometimes I just need to relax and realize that Jesus is the only name people need to have left ringing in their heads and their hearts. I am to influence people to love him, not me. I am a messenger but I am certainly not the message.
-Stop worrying about that guy who hurt me really bad. He probably doesn’t realize how bad he hurt me, and I may never be able to really confront him about it, and that’s okay. He did shatter my heart and leave me as half of a person at the time, but I’ve learned to embrace the humility, compassion, and forgiveness that Jesus has. It’s not okay that he hurt me, but it’s okay to let go. God has taught me through this experience to trust in him more instead of trusting in myself. He is allowing me to see the beautiful side of forgiveness. It doesn’t mean that you’ve been defeated, but rather, that you have set yourself free. It doesn’t mean that the guy wins, but that I do. Because until someone lets go of a grudge and bitterness, they can’t ever be free; and the pain will not let go of them until they let go of it. I learned this the hard way but it’s okay. Forgive as Jesus forgives, and he will forgive me. When I see the guy with his partner, I feel how free it feels to truly not care and to not be upset, and I’m reminded that forgiving like Jesus got rid of the pain.
-Don’t get caught up in trying to be the most beautiful; don’t be obsessed with vanity. God sees that I have a beautiful heart and spirit, and that shines infinitely brighter than any physical beauty. A beautiful girl may turn heads, but a beautiful soul will turn hearts and change the world. The love that pours out of me will encourage people, bless people, heal people, change people, because it is God’s love that pours out of me. Sometimes I feel so ugly when I look in the mirror and it’s easy to emotionally abuse myself. But I desperately pray that God will remind me of my true beauty inside, and let me know that that means so much more to him than anything else.
-Stop worrying about money. I have always been big on saving, and I always tithe my first 10% with a grateful and happy heart. But sometimes I’m afraid I will get so caught up in trying to hold on to money that when God wants to use it to advance his kingdom, I will get stressed out about it and not know what to do. Embrace humility Jennifer, and trust that God will take care of my finances so long as I continue to put him first, and with a joyous heart. Just trust him to take care of whatever financial situation I find myself caught in, and he will be there to catch me when I fall. It’s his money in the first place, and he knows how to invest it a lot better than I do. I don’t want to get caught up in investing money in temporary, material things. I want to get caught up investing money into souls, seeing people reach Christ.
I am embracing humility.